Chaos of the mind

Alrighty y'all, after a traumatic brain injury on top of having extreme anxiety, some PTSD, depression in recovery as well as stopped vaping 12 days ago and 1 year 2 months 14 days sober. I will admit, whenever I get worried the mind becomes a scary place at that point.

I will say my mind know the thoughts I personally do not want to have and are annoying for me to have. Then my mind sends though much more and tortures me. But I feel Satan attacking because he wants me to break sobriety and also to start vaping again. He preys on my mind at times that are idle, when I tend to think occasionally at past drinking times and how much I regret those times and how much they were not the real me.

In no way does the thought of drinking again cross my mind, but there are times I know Satan's trying to push me to drink and I am saying no to him, that's when I say Satan I rebuke you Satan in the blood and name of Jesus Christ Amen. Whenever I feel, people are trying to breach upon things that would typically have made me drink more previously or reasons I would've drank. I now say, I rebuke you Satan in the blood and name of Jesus Christ Amen.

I also say I rebuke you Satan whenever thoughts go through my mind of calling myself either unsuccessful, obese, ugly, or non-recovered, because those are all thoughts he wants me to think and not God. Trust me, I have literally called myself every name in the book before.

Here is also when I find it crucial and know it really happens to be important to counter those with positive thoughts and real beliefs not what my mind tells me in times of worry, or time of fear or uncertainty. Also, in times of feeling certain people are around will always feel that way.

Really have battled lots of mental battles had and have to overcome, when I started team roping there were doubts on getting good as got competing around here as a hobby. When I started flying there were doubts of getting my private pilot's license at times when I kept having to take breaks due to life events. There were also doubts of walking again and being able to walk to distances I walked. But I proved to myself it can and could be done and I could do it.

Chaos of the mind happens whenever all those unwanted thoughts are bouncing around, and anxiety happens to be sending racing thoughts through mind as well as unwanted thoughts about certain stuff happening, I do not want to happen, or fear for the future and being held back. Many times, feel as if a prisoner of my own mind at many times and shackled by self-confinements I placed there originally that all of sudden through things being a self-fulfilling prophecy became a thing.

There often times has been times my mind has been so chaotic that thinking was made hard and difficult at times. Those times, for certain were scary and were not the phases I care to remember or relive, nor things said throughout that time meant. Things said throughout those times were not meant they were out of pure stress and chaos in the mind.

My mind literally makes me feel like I am drowning in thoughts at times.

Thank y'all; God Bless

Kyle Christiansen