Reconnection back to animals, and family time. Here is a clip of me laughing with my mom and dad. This was shortley after my accident at age 24. I am 34 now.

Current updates

1) My book, is at the editor I am going back and forth with the editor working through editing process, then will move onto her publishing company. She hopes, to have my book out by the holiday, I feel blessed to of come across her an editor as well as publish who also own publishing company. She said she believes my book will be great.

2)My motivation is seeming to be heading in a great direction.

3)I'm am going to start showing workouts in some of my motivational clips at home barn gym in horse stall.

4)I am going to continue working with Pablo bringing him back into used to being handled and saddled, and ride horses again.

5)Working on writing more stuff.

Spinal cord injury

Well for starters, that is one scary phrase to hear. Especially when, it is on your own body they are talking about it being on. I broke my back at T8, T 10, T12 with an incomplete spinal tear at T12. I have been through a total of four back surgeries, 3 in September of 2015 and 1 of March of 2021. As far as recovery goes, shortly after my spinal cord injury I was getting out of bed with a Hoyer lift lifted out of bed, then placed in a wheelchair where I was pushed to the recovery room. This went on for some time, until I walked out of inpatient with a walker much thanks to therapist there at Ku inpatient. Especially that Gretchen from Ku inpatient, she deserves lots of the credit for kickstarting my entire accident recovery. Anywhere I get to, got to, or have done I look at her as being a huge reason it was all made possible by the groundwork, she laid under me at inpatient. As well Adam from rehab institute, now Ability KC (even though most that time I was recovering off knee surgery), but Adam laid a good foundation under me for walking as well. All my therapist did really, honestly did not have a bad one, only certain ones I really got a lot further with, or were there working with me during crucial recovery time frame recovery times, such as post operation as so forth. Spinal cord injury, as well as brain injury took the longest to recover from. My back honestly does not hurt as many would think it. It hurts, but not quite like and not all the time like some think would or does. Also, I am way more mobile than originally was after my accident, and more mobile than what thought originally would recover to. I have since walked 5 miles, 6 miles all at once without stopping, as well walked a 5K and walking a 1K this upcoming October 5th

Luke 21;25-28 The coming of the Son of Man, There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on earth nations will be in dismay, perplexed by the roaring of the sea and the waves. People will die of fright in anticipation of what is coming upon the world, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. But when these signs begin to happen, stand erect and raise your heads because your redemption is at hand.

Brain injury

These are no joke, and not for the faint of heart either. I really have had, my own share of battles with my brain injuries before. My brain injuries were on my frontal and temporal lobe. As far as memory loss, and things like that my brain injuries did not affect me that way. However, aspects my brain injury has affected me in, is one being more impulsive and spur of the moment as well as lots of unwanted thoughts. I also struggled with delusions after my brain injury, and my delusions were not believing I was higher power or higher up or someone else or anything like that. My delusions were not that at all, they were thinking people were meddling with my personal life, trying to hold me down, prevent me, out to get me, hold me back, destroy my life, hurt me, hurt every aspect of my life and destroy my life making it already more miserable than already was what I was thinking people were doing. My delusions, turned me against people, made me not want anything to do with certain people at all on top of already not, took people that I didn't even have an opinion about and didn't dislike them and made me not like them even though I know that's a delusion and I can step outside of the delusion box and tell. But it's stronger than that while drug inside of the delusional box the brain injury's allotted for at times throughout my brain injury journey which has been a little longer than my spinal cord injury second brain injury recovery. There has been much chaos my brain injuries have led to, felt also disrespect was trying to be shown towards me in every way possible. There really, were numerous battles after my brain injuries, but I battled through them and overcame them. Personally, I fight some brain injury stuff constantly with thoughts or at times with blurred eyesight on bottom half at certain times of day. But, besides these, I pretty much do not battle anything else brain injury daily basis. Quite honestly no one who went out with me or anything like that did not know the real me either, especially now drinking and brain injury reversed, on top of not drinking. Also, people from certain phases of my life, I look a pitfall to fall to a tragic downfall by running with old crowds circling back to old ways that almost sunk me. I had to separate from lots of drinking; I can be around drinking and not be bothered. But, and quite honestly not many people actually know the real me. That is also why I put a personal piece, not to mention to relax anyone with a brain injury to reach out if have any questions about anything. Also, lots of people knew drunk me, or delusional me, or brain injured me, not me after healed. Also, not every thought comes out of my mind is a damaged thought off a brain injured brain that's been healed. I still make mature and wise choices, also do not need a person to do the talking for me.

Luke 19;45-47 The cleansing of the temple; Then Jesus entered the temple area and proceeded to drive out those who were selling things, saying to them, It is written, My house shall be a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves.

Broken pelvis, arm, ribs both sides, torn ACL, Mencius, hamstring

My broken pelvis for certain was most pain, as well as Torn ACL, Mencius and hamstring. My broken ribs healed on their own, due to all the other surgeries and major recoveries had to recover from, they did not operate on my pelvis. I did have an arm surgery with a metal plate with screws in my left forearm. My knee surgery was a six and a half long hour surgery and was one extremely painful recovery to recover from. As well, knee surgery set me back in recovering from my spinal cord injury because it was operated on a few months after my accident and after already being in physically for a while, I will be honest I have felt pain in extremes I did not know was possible or thought I could endure. I have felt pain in all areas of my body, that did not think was possible to endure. My knee was painful and took a while to recover from and that is mostly what I worked on at rehab institute, now ability KC after inpatient rehab. It really wasn't until after rehab institute stuff got to work heavily on spinal cord injury stuff again. Lots at rehab institute was laying base foundation of my walking style and pattern as did at inpatient rehab. My arm did not take any rehab on really in physical therapy I worked on gaining arm functionality back more in occupational therapy. My knee took about 6 months to recover completely from but was double weak after knee surgery on top of loss of strength after spinal cord injury. This made walking very scary and intimidating for a while at first. I will say knee surgery set me back 6 moths, and was quite painful for months after, as well as was careful walking on my knee. These were frustrating times as well as hard times to deal with.

Psalm 39;2-3 The vanity of life, I said I will watch my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will set a curb on my mouth. Dumb and silent before the wicked, I refrained from any speech.

Riding, Flying, and driving again in that order after my accident.

I was back on a horse, Pablo my heel horse who is like an oversized dog personality. I have bonded close with him riding and competing on him over the years, as well as my head horse Cherokee who I am close with. I was back on a horse 8 months after my accident, 6 months after discharge. I was flying again a few years after, but like I keep saying have to have another pilot in fact a flight instructor on board now to log PIC (pilot in command) flight time on. I was driving again four years after my accident; I was driving again. I was riding again early 2016, flying again late 2018, and driving again earlier 2019. I will ride again, I stopped for years after my accident because of depression and fell in a bad spot for a while mentally and let that drive me away from spending time with my horses and being around the barn. As well riding and roping the bones. It was really hard having to have my parents take me places for a while, until I started driving again. This was another feeling I cover in my book at editor now. Was I scared again to drive again? Yes, most excited but also really nervous to drive again. Flying again, was extremely excited about, riding as well and i went backwards there from the order they went in being back doing some of, until drove all the time again. The most embarrassing of not doing at the time was driving again yet, that was embarrassing.

It was a really hard pill to swallow and admit I wasn't going to be able to get medical back. That meant thousands of bucks went down the drain along with my childhood dream.

John 5;31-32 Witnesses to Jesus, If I testify on my own behalf, my testimony cannot be verified. But there is another who testifies on my behalf, and I know that the testimony he gives on my behalf is true.

Unwanted thoughts/paralyzing anxiety

After my brain injuries, unwanted thoughts are something I deal a lot more with. I have always battled having some unwanted thoughts anytime, anything big in my life was coming up like some flights like check ride as well as some team roping's and rodeos. Another time was on short field take off prior to my accident was overloaded and short field. I also had to overcome lots of unwanted thoughts creeping up in the back of my mind starting to walk again. Especially after falling several times and having to have a lift on. I also was worried about for a while until this all got cleared up and wires aligned back up. Happened to be after my brain injuries, after my brain injury the last one sometimes I would say things that were not what I was meaning or trying to mean at all. This left me in fear, not only for the future but also for time being. However, by the time I was coherent enough to know what was going on more, more senses had come back. But the unwanted thoughts, when they get to racing will paralyze a person with anxiety. I literally have almost been frozen stiff due to my anxiety levels and PTSD level rising up and going through the roof. The unwanted thoughts and anxiety that comes from the guilt of the hole I put not only myself in with my accident, but also my parents in. Also, the huge let down, was to God that day, even though it was an accident I still wish I wouldn't have gone anywhere that Saturday evening. I ran up to the barn the day of, was working the arena with my dad getting ready to rope the roping sled getting prepped to go compete. I needed some chew, therefore needed to run grab some tobacco and come back. It was when I was gone, I was T-Boned and ejected coming home. The unwanted thoughts, with all of the workplace relationships I would have now with flying and building time for commercial. As well as all the great flights, flight time and memorable family flights with my parents. Also, where would I be progressed to in team roping, if not for my accident, but then I stop myself because I can what if all night and end right back up where I started. What ifs are useless. I was especially relying on workplace relationships, friends and other relationships especially since my school years were not my proud years, I do not want anything with anyone from school, they will always have old me at back of their mind or non-natural me, had counselors tell me that before. But all in all, life has been hard, given me lots of unwanted thoughts that do not want to have. my mind tortures me most the time, for example a person can complement me, and I will start second guessing if it was sarcasm or not. I really work hard on that.

Luke 12;33-34 The simile of light, No one who lights a lamp hides it away or places it [under a bushel basket], but on a lampstand so that those who enter might see the light. The lamp of the body is your eye. When your eye is sound, then your whole body is filled with light, but when it is bad, then your body is in darkness.

I was not the real me in school nor was I mentally from 2013-2025! This year back

Man, this gets really rough y'all wasn't my real self all throughout school, did everything to do everything better from then on out and not redo old mistakes. I also, suffered brain injury number one late 2013 coming off the paint horse Jake behind the barn. The mega brain injury, came with my car accident, where I suffered a severe one on my frontal lobe, as well as temporal lobe. I feel it is nothing short of a miracle, to be in position I am now. I am on edge, because on the brink of massive success again with book on brink of being released around Christmas and I don't want anything to go wrong. Also, as I have gotten back to Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, and ran away many of my demons that were there by my brain injury and healed, both externally and internally as well as got mentally healthy again. I fell, for falling into dark depressing stuff with depression and isolation at times. Even when I was around people were still battling those, that they would not go away. Ibogaine really helped heal that, as well as sobriety and getting my motivational career going. In times we live in now, of spiritual warfare, I want to make certain my sins are rectified and repentant on as well as right with God, and having St Michael fighting for souls and at time of passing. May, I one day still have the strength after leaving this earth to still rebuke Satan in eternal life on my way to God. Satan fights for souls all the way to God in eternal life. Also, one of my missions is being a better man, being a being man all the way around, the way I live my life and what I do in my life. I am certainly better than was through school and certainly better than I was last year as well, night and day. Also, not saying opposite stuff, straightforward saying what I mean, meaning what I say. No delusions currently, as well as no brain injury stuff. My brain injury really showed expressing emotions hard for a while. Also not getting excited about life is something wish to gain back, life doesn't need to be dull, needs fragrance, needs personality, needs sass, needs to be colorful. It like if life's a coffee shop, (I drink black coffee but using an analogy) or somethings like a gingerbread latte for life and make it have spice and excitement. Do not allow any negative to water down and dilute your drink either, keep a safeguard around the top the lid. I look at that like the brain; you have to watch what it is around and what goes in and out of it. Also watch fill capacity, and who you spill on when filled past the brim of capacity of what can handle. Do not go overflowing like a leaking hydrant everywhere you go, also I learned to allow people to rock the capacity around inside my cup making me think I am going to spill, and lose my chill, but do not watch the cup. That my words I will leave people with watch your cup.

Matthew 12;25; The Praise of the Father; At that time Jesus said reply, I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike.

My apologies

There are quite a few people after my accident to apologize to, first off I would like to apologize to anyone I offended on trauma floor shortly after my brain injury, I am sorry. I conduct myself more appropriately, secondly would like to apologize to any therapist I lost my cool on and went off the deep end on, many apologizes. I was struggling with lots of personal stuff and not helping my situation lots of times with drinking. I also apologize to my mom, for all the hurt I have caused her and my dad since my accident and with my accident. Mind you I couldn't control my accident, I know I have a brain injury, but some of that I could've controlled better than what did, I will own that. My apologies to God over the years, for so many things it is ridiculous, for my sins, for burnt up years, for wasted time, for time I took off my parents lives by having them worried in younger years and drinking years. I also apologize for anything I said angry directed at God years back, for my sinful tongue didn't have the right to utter those words about my savior and the reason I was given life, not to mention so many undeserving second chances he has granted me throughout my life. My accident was way too close to call. I am grateful to God for getting me through, for I am a sorrowful sinner, yes, I am cheerful and happy but at the end of the day a sorrowful pitiful sinner. I am grateful, for all of God's blessings, and know his blessings I am undeserving of but extremely grateful for, and to for. I am really thankful God has the patience he does, because with my patience I would've wiped my hands clean of me if I were God years ago, but he didn't and I am thankful. I didn't ever have the right to make anyone cry who cared about me, or for me. Please forgive me anyone, I gave that disgustingly arrogant looking face at when make a certain facial expression, that is what I used to do entering a place I felt inferior or inadequate and I used that front, because as soon as anyone who speak to me would nice and chipper. That was for the time, the demons weren't winning inside me. I fight a heavy spiritual battle inside between good and bad, and I naturally automatically now do the good things again, especially after ibogaine as well as not drinking and being sober. This has connected me back to my natural spirit, which is to be friendly and nice, empathetic, sympathetic. I'm sorry, for the dates that the girl planned on a nice date and I was hammered on or got hammered on or drank before the date when I wasn't driving. Dates that I was driving that went later to hanging out and I got completely hammered on, my apologies I really from the deep part of my heart apologize. I apologize to anyone that knew me certain years, for they were not my proudest. I apologize to anyone that knew me throughout my dark days, I apologize to anyone I led on in relationships that there would be relationships all while no intent on at all. Sorry to the ones also that weren't around me for me good days, all aspects. Also, to anyone that made cry, by hitting below the belt, as I often did with anyone who I used to get mad at. I am also sorry, and my apologies goes out to that one girl who drove 5 hours one way one weekends to come see me, was former United States Air Force. I was immature, a complete d bag at the time and ended up make the cry on her way home and I feel horrible about that, my brain injury was really getting to me then, along with drinking. I had no right to do that; she was great to me and treated me best out of any girl my whole life. The other one, I want to apologize for the relationship was in years back in midst of my brain injury. I acted like an idiot, a complete immature idiot the entire relationship. Her to, I had no right to mess with her emotions and brain injury stuff was heavy at that time. Man, if I could have back all those times where I acted like an entitled, spoiled rotten, really pompous ass for a while and was a bear to be around and to deal with. Also want people to see me, and picture me without a Coors Light or Michelobe Ultra in my hands or mixing another Canadian mixed whiskey. I am over one year one month no alcohol and not turning back to toxicity. Both of those girls who I really feel the worse about were both through heavy drinking times of cans of those filling garbage cans. I'm also sorry for all wrong signals, I sent drinking and by making some feel unwanted that were, and when I am in my right normal state of mind like I am again, like I am now, I care lots more about care and affection, that I do getting completely hammered and throwing up all over the place, whether be bed, front patio, hotel carpet. I want those people to know I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, they didn't deserve that treatment, and I did not deserve to have them. I am sorry for my sins and all the hurt, I personally inflicted on others, and for the sinner I am. I repentant for my sins, Jesus Christ is my savior, and I am sorry for sins and way made some people feel. To answer other questions I am trying to answer that feel like some people got the wrong impression was I'm loyal in a relationship, because I looked at other girl out in public was my brain injury, mixed with alcohol, and for texting others in front of her, I was being stupid, immature ass I was being for some time. I am basically sorry, for being a bit of a mess for some years after my brain injuries. Also, I will be honest again, I'm sorry for the night I fell out of bed knocked over the garbage can and got lippy with my dad. Let me go on and tell y'all that ended with a sore on one side of my face, I knew better I shouldn't of disrespected my dad like that or anyone around that night after getting home, and that was the night before she was going to Florida to hang out with a friend, she wanted to spend quality time with me at the time when all I did was get hammered and act like an royal ass. I want them to know I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, and God had a way of paying me back with long periods of isolation and rough times at certain points since them. Also am sorry to anyone I ever hurt, and also sorry for all the time was thinking inappropriate behavior and thinking, besides at certain times stuff all the time, when could have been having good in-depth conversations also and focus on caring about who they really were and cared about especially that one, I was horrible to. I did things to run from back then, especially by drinking heavily and especially by not really getting to know people and the way I treated some especially the two really special ones for how they treated me, in times no one else was around and I was being a not good person at the time. Also, to anyone who I may have been hateful to I am sorry that was my brain injury, not making excuses but that's much better now. Also, sorry for what a horrid texter used to be, whenever I was in acupuncture in a relationship, which she happened to be secretly the only way I got through that time and worries. Whenever shed ask, I was one-word answers so freaking cold to world I was. I am a warm tender-hearted person, but for some time could have some convinced I was heartless. One told me some pretty cool stories about out of the back of the KC-135 Air Force air refuel plane, she had cool stories about military which I was interested in learning about. The other one, could have asked her lots of farming and ranching questions that she grew up on. I really wanted her back after breaking up and realizing some things after looking at my behavior but did not go after her especially since felt like she wouldn't. Not after how stupid acted that relationship.

Weight of sins real, all sins real the weight of sin on a heavy heart gets brutal sometimes. Trust me I had my fair share of women that treated me that way I treated others. But I am especially sorry to two of them especially who were great to me, upstanding, kind, gentle, compassionate, understanding of my accident, and some of my injuries that weren't necessarily affecting things besides mentally and having to walk places with a cane. But was not preventing anywhere was out anyplace. Plus, anymore with stairs as long as there is railing, I am good, this was 2018 and 2019, especially before pandemic and all the chaos in personal life since those years. For the sake of everything, I need everything here and now forward, also the weight of sin has me feeling horrible.

Psalm 107;1-3 God the savior of those in distress; Give thanks to the Lord who is good, whose love endures forever! Let that be the prayer of the Lord's redeemed, those redeemed from the hand of the foe. Those gathered from foreign lands, from east and west, from north and south.

Blessing from God, I took for granted. I really saw after my accident. I can no longer do.

I feel quite sad, took my accident for me to open my eyes even more. But God blessed me with abilities and talents in flying, team roping as well as shooting. Flying and team roping had my heart and soul, flying was career goal I was working on as private pilot, I was logging flight hours to be able to get my commercial license. Team roping and rodeo, I was roping my best and extremely good 2013, 2014, and 2015 and would be today if not for my accident. As well, I would be even farther along if not for my accident. As far as shooting, I was a good shot especially with a rifle and used to like to shoot. My favorite shooting however was Skeet and Trap, I do not get to shoot anymore I've shot once after my accident, and it was a pistol. Reason happens to be my balance, I have not even held a gun for years, my favorites were shotguns and rifles. I was not a hunter; I did not get into hunting. Hunting did not appeal to me, target shooting and shooting targets did, however. But hunting did not, I was really gifted in flying, team roping and rodeo as well as shooting, I was not gifted in football or wrestling or track. But, I also did not care about those things and did not try that hard in those things. In my adult life, short adult life got to live prior to my accident. I poured lots into, not only my team roping but also my flying. I have moved onto the motivation, motivational writing, speaking and all what goes into the whole deal. Now my life is based on motivation, but as my counselor says now I am still a private pilot as well as cowboy even cannot do those things in forms were before, still can in others. Now in my book I will talk about how hard of a shot to the pride that happens to be and how hard overcoming that happens to be. In lots of ways, it feels as if being laughed at doing those things in others forms. That happens to be part of my motivation, but as well as what fuels my motivation and feeds my fire, not only to prove and show I am normal and still successful, but what I can overcome and break any stigmas for other people with spinal cord injuries or brain injuries, or any other thing I battled, that doesn't necessarily always need to be the case. What a kick in the gut it felt to go from team roping, being successful and flying as only private pilot on board. To after my accident, walking a horse, trotting, eventually loping, as well as out on medical for flying therefore, I have to have a flight instructor on board to fly. There has been many roping the bones clips, the team roping dummy at the barn, but it gets really hard not going full speed and bonding with my horse the whole time. But remind yourself people NO ONE IS LAUGHING AT YOU, keep that in the back of your mind. Trust me there has been times today 10/9/25 I literally have had to push that thought away. I literally battled that earlier today, I will be honest it kind of got to me today and it sent me into a panic attack kind of, I am not proud of. Whenever that hits, personally I feel fight or flight response, but anyways got passed that, but wanted to add. For me that is a daily battle, throughout my life I never been the smartest, most athletic, most handsome, best in everything, charmed golden boy. I have always been smart, and intelligent but have my weaknesses, athletic I am gifted with good hand eye coordination and something like that but not the fastest or strongest or biggest or smallest and that goes for looks to, look good under certain size but not over certain size. There was always someone better in flying and team roping and rodeo obviously in the world, but I mean around here locally where I would go. I was still really good, but not ever the best big hoss at places. I completely understand what it feels like to feel like people are laughing from certain phases and things like that, as well as to have the weight of past critics wear on your current life. But, my book discusses that but mainly all takes places talking about after my accident. Also knowing my adequacy, and competency and quality, helped a lot though those times with reassurance and looking at the things that were really good. Everyone needs to feel adequate as well, as know their worth. No one should accept less, that means many times you must work harder, or realign back to their natural ways, which many times I have gotten lost in. I have gotten so wrapped up in not accepting less, which that is great that's what has driven me to where I am now. But at times, do not enjoy life because I am so worried about proving my worth and quality. Do not allow anyone, to make you accept less or think less of yourself. Also, do not let anything that is not a big deal and there wasn't anything there send you into a conspiracy theory. I know how hard these feelings get, if anyone needs to talk to anyone feel free to reach out, I personally did not have anyone I could trust to see the real me for me now throughout those times to talk to for a while. If anyone needs a listening ear, feel free contact me. Do not, and I do not want anyone sinking onto the depression floor I did for so long, waking up feeling stagnant and feeling a hurt literally in my stomach from the pain of depression, from the hurt. Depression is all too real, and can be caused by many things, stay focused on all the good stuff you have done and have going for you, and good qualities as well as skills.

Do not allow yourself after an accident, to allow yourself at any time to feel lesser because you are not at the level you were anymore. I mean lesser as a person. Do not fall, for what I did for too long. I do not want anyone feeling that level of emotional pain I felt.

Mark 14;32-33, Need for watchfulness, But of that day or hour, no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be watchful! Be alert! You do not know when the time will come.

Music and prayer therapy.

`Well, for one I believe music is very spiritual and connects to the heart. Music, has helped me through depression, loneliness, sadness, rejection, acceptance, happiness, great times, horrible times, bad phases, successful phases, fat times, thin times, in between times, non-recovered times, recovered times. Music has always been there as a go to, to listen to for something to reach out to for comfort. When you listen to the lyrics sometimes it is not too hard to search around and find a relatable song for the time being. But not all times, do I listen to the lyrics, sometimes I am listening to the music, especially guitar which really helps me mentally. I believe music, as the Bible says many times play music for the Lord, was placed here by God and meant to be enjoyed by all on earth.

Prayer, when I get deep in prayer and start bonding and connecting with God, and Jesus again as well as saint especially my patron saint. But, in getting deep in prayer feel inner peace and a warmth surrounding me like God's embracing me in warm arms. Maybe because we do not feel God unless we are really paying attention at times, because we have gotten so far away from God as a world. I feel as if God, has adjusted his standards for mankind over the years. God, has for certain made some changes to his way of acceptance and what is acceptable, but the only Bible I refer to is the original, that is why I am saying he has done a lot of lowering of his standards for mankind. I believe let's all make it a mission, to live up to God's standards and not make God feel like he is settling by keeping us around on earth. Let's make God proud, lets live up to his expectations and do what's right. Let's not let God feel like he is settling for us, or like we are a massive let down with the life we live. For everyone, should want to make God proud. God is creator, not only of Heaven and earth but also mankind as well, I find deep inner peace praying. I find deep inner peace when listen to music especially certain types of music certain times of day. I find deeper peace the next day when I sleep with the rosary playing on Spotify on my phone. Also, when listen to Divine Mercy on my phone at night while sleeping.

Proverbs 16;1-4 Man may make plans in his heart, but what the tongue utters is from the Lord. All the ways of a man be pure in his own eyes, but it is the Lord who proves the spirit. Entrust your works to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. The Lord has made everything for his own ends, even the wicked for the evil day.

Years of Isolation, with only human contact being doctors and therapist visits.

Alrighty, this was a brutal one really after my accident you know a couple people came over shortly after, but no one asked about me or my accident after that nigh and that was after starting rehab institute back in 2015. The only human contact I really had for years was physical therapist and doctors at doctors' appointments which you know are not like being social. I believe a lot of this was people did not know what to say or do, but it doesn't matter the damage is already done, and didn't want anything to do with people from certain phases of my life. This was a really hard time for me, I felt looked at as weak, like I was be an easy target. Also have felt like, people write people off after accident due to some of the way things went after my accident as well as hearing about what some other people with similar injuries were battling. I believe isolation and loneliness go with this recovery but do not have to. But I do feel, may after an accident start to struggle with mental health eventually due to the loss of things and complete turning upside down of one's life. In no way does anyone need to give up or throw in the towel, keep pushing forward and grinding onwards. Even when it felt like I couldn't go anymore due to emotional rawness, feeling really blunt emotionally raw to bone. I literally have felt the pain from isolation and deprivation of people before. Please know, I to have fought these battles at times throughout my life. Many times, throughout doing lots of my stuff I loved I struggled with isolation to some extent, but not anything like did for a while after my accident. But do not let this allow you to fall apart, keep strong and do not allow this to make you sink. Also try meeting new people, I met lots of new people after my accident and as far as relationships and friendships that's what I prefer.

This accident has taught me a lot about people as well, which I've also naturally learned as I was having as the years went on and got older and wiser. Also, when it feels like God is against you, I have felt that way before (when I got wrapped up in emotion and not seeing all the blessings), I believe what that is, is the battle for your soul between God and Satan is that strong at that point Satan has you believing his lies that God doesn't want this or that for. Or for you to have a happy life, now in the Bible it does talk about true happiness not being ideal perfect happiness in all stuff. Gods' definition of happiness for us is far greater than we can fathom really, but it doesn't always look like what you thought. My happy 30's (they started horrible but changing that) has been really thinking God for all his blessings and fighting of the mental health battles with delusions of people doing stuff and depression. I care about making a nice place in Heaven. I am a proud Catholic I know the religion of Saints and Sinners, (used to be funny when I drank, but not now) also the religion if there's no drinking at your function wait on the Catholics. But I believe we all go to heaven as long as believe in God walk a somewhat tighter rope after learning more about God and the Jesus and try not sinning as much and truly be sorry for sins against God. I know I am truly sorry for hurting him, in my words out of anger or out of my actions in depression drinking being an idiot really.

I feel a sense of responsibility doing this motivation, to spread the word of the Lord and to encourage people to seek out Christ for themselves and ditch what these radical extremist groups do. I feel a sense of obligation, to promote Christ through my stuff, especially the deeper I have gotten into my soul, my praying, my relationship with God and Jesus and reading the Bible. I have sinned lots, I am a sinner, I repent for my sins and are sorry for them. Sorry for hurting God. But not having anyone around at time left me feeling all the worst ways in some cases. But when I started relationships again, I started going again, but that was only social contact had for years as well, and half the time felt like they weren't that interested.

Proverbs 4;13-15; The value of wisdom, Happy the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding! For her profit is better than profit in silver, and better than gold is her revenue; She is more precious than corals, and nine of your choice possessions can compare with her.

Exercises did lots of later in physical therapy!

1)Walking
2)Lateral/sideways walking
3)Backwards walking, backpedaling
4)Recumbent
5)Battle ropes
6)Elliptical
7)Side planks
8)Ball transfers
9)Push-ups
10)Med ball slams
11)Roman crunches
12)Stairs
13)Step ups
14)Dips
15)Stationary Bike

16)Front planks
17)Planter and dorsal flexion
18)Adductor and Abductor strengthening
19)Woodchoppers
20)Russian twist
21)Bench, squat, incline bench, barbell and dumbbell as well as butterflies, hammer curls, concentrated curls, leg press, let pulls, shoulder press
22)Hamstring curls
23)Leg extensions

24) Single arm rows
25)Seated rows
26)Timed walks, distance walks, form walks
27)Leg lifts on bed
28)Ab roller
29)Bicycling in motion lying flat on back on ground.
30)Sit to stands
31)Eversion and Inversion on feet
32)Pull ups
33)Hanging knee ups
34)holding ball between knees doing squats and roman crunches.

My sobriety

September 15th, 2024, at 11:28pm my sobriety start happens to be, that was the day i decided to put the bottle down, it just so happens when I started the live log on my sobriety happened to be at 11:28pm was not specifying a time. If i were to designate a time, I would designate 4 pm. Even though NO ALCOHOL WAS IVOLVED IN MY ACCIDENT, 4pm flips overturning over a new leaf new chapters in my life since my accident that already had before but trying to live new chapter all the way around. In sobriety, that's opening a new chapter, a chapter that right now is my career being built getting going. As well as, starting to live the life I choose and set out to live years back. In no way am I proud of the drinking times, they were what I did self-medicating for depression. Also, to any of you alcoholics out there who think you cannot, you can do this and it worth getting sober and not throwing life away anymore. My life was going off the rails for some time there on alcohol before I grabbed back ahold of the controls. I have done lots i regret on alcohol, said lots done regret and on and on while being drunk. As well, as done things that cannot remember at all, these times were not proud times not my glory days, and certainly not my image or my scene. Not at all, especially after I climbed out of old self-toxic ways that made things extremely hard and were harming my life. I was shooting my own foot off many times with alcohol. Also, the backdrop picture behind the picture besides me holding sober AF cake happens to be me and my mom. Lord knows I have cost her enough pain with my drinking; I cry as write this from that.

Luke 12;13-15 Saying against Greed; Someone in the crowd said to him, Teacher, tell my brother to share the inheritance with me. He replied to him, friend, who appointed me as your judge and attributor? Then he said to the crowd, take care to guard against all greed, for though one may be rich, ones life doe not consist of possessions.

What I really hope to accomplish with my motivation!

Hope

I want people to see me, and my story and feel motivated to recover. Also know they can.

End of stigmas

End of stigmas, both for spinal cord injury as well as brain injury. There is no reason either one of those should hold a person back from a successful life. One therapist i worked with inspired me, she has brain injury and went on to get her doctorates degree in physical therapy. That gave me some hope for the mental capabilities in what a brain can do after brain bleed.

Motivational content

Showing/raising awareness about what all is affected with my injuries.

Ibogaine

Ibogaine, an African plant that is used in psychedelic treatment I went through August 6th 2024 in Tijuana, Mexico. This was life altering, I went through at Ambio life, this set me free in lots of ways.

Want people to learn from my mistakes

I have made lots of mistakes, not only through my life but also through recovery. But I learned from them, and don't want anyone else struggling from them.

Success at the end of the recovery

I want to show people success at the end of recovery, not just doing the recovery then wasting away and not doing anything.

Where i struggle with pain constantly at, chronic pain areas!

A lot of my chronic pain happens to be in my legs, especially hamstring areas, my right one was torn in my accident. My left one hurts now that left knee has been broken twice since my accident. I struggle with chronic pain around the place where my back broke at T8,10,12 all the break areas hurt a lot. My hamstrings hurt lots, hind end hurts, back hurts at times. Where I came off the paint horse one night and landed on the back of my neck and suffered from a brain injury. I didn't know about brain injuries at the time and hid the concussion from my parent and did not tell them that came off and went on ahead and went to bed that night. I do not necessarily remember what it was like to not be in pain, physically, but also emotionally as well at times. Feeling people from certain time periods are around my life, causes me more emotional pain than the already hell already going through or gone through at times. My hind end area really hurts often which i have heard from many other spinal cord injury people over the years in spinal cord injury group. I do struggle with pain there, and in my hamstrings, but not anything to complain about or to worry about to hold me back from anything. The mental and emotional pain of not living being paralyzed as it felt i was unable to take part in my own life was the hardest feeling. Have uncomfortable days, where I am not in lots of pain, but not comfortable either. Many times after a spinal cord injury, or brain injury, but especially spinal cord injury. There will be days it is really hard to get around due to things being uncomfortable. My hind end hurts often, hamstrings are tight as well that's where the pains strongest and most constant. Talk about an annoying feeling at the end of some days, but my days are either pain days or obnoxious days with not being able to get comfortable in. The pain days are not near as annoying days as they really are now.

Jeremiah 18;5-7 True wisdom; Thus says the Lord; Cursed is the man who trusts in human beings, who seek his strength in flesh, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a barren bush in the desert that enjoys no change in season, But stands in a lava waste, a salt and empty earth. Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord whose hope is the Lord.

Spirituality, reconnected

I clearly am way more spiritual than religious; I feel personal many hides behind the mask of religion to preach what they are self-righteous about. Also, I believe most religion fail, drastically to point out God works through people all over the place all walks of life. This comes from me, a guy who attended Catholic elementary schools and middle schools, grew up with a priest being around schools, mass being part of school as well as nuns. I also know there are some really cool ones, some nazi's, some that are strictly not doing the right thing that they were meant to do, however. There is their fair share with those in religion as well, as lots of corruption in religion. I like spirituality keeping things between me and God and keeping things more legit. I feel a greater reconnection with God again, after ibogaine months after ibogaine I felt I could let God back into my heart. I feel more connected to the man up top, know any sins I will keep between me and God and resolve and have purgatory at my death before Heaven, with Heaven being the end destination but purgatory to cleanse soul. Trust, after I die God and Jesus are both getting bear hugs for all the times they've saved my butt at undeserving times, or times of stupidity. One evening got a wild hair, had the parish priest over for dinner and asked him questions about the afterlife all evening, ironically this was 1.5 years prior to my dad passing and prior and at the beginning of Satan attacking my life hard and making me as miserable as possible. As far as religion goes, I have been the one up reading, younger years serving mass to being the one puking my guts up backrow embarrassed from the night before. There has also been sometimes at mass, I've not been sober, I'm 6 hours away from 11 months sobriety again. I have been completely hammered crying on the priest shoulder after a loss, or about how life's going, and I have been also the one who has said some horrible things out of anger towards Christ (besides kidding around) and feel guilt over that because God has loved me fiercely through many undeserving times and hardships that tested me as a human. For those of us going to Heaven, sometimes we pay our purgatory dues here on earth. Think about it this way, would you rather pay for it here on earth? Or in eternal life, where punishment will be felt to full extent by the creator of mankind? He certainly will not play around, he is a very merciful God, yet he takes the weight of sin seriously. For, I am sorry for all the brutal sins I have committed to Jesus, God, Mary, the Holy Spirit over the years. Some morning whenever I crack getting out of bed before getting day going, or late at night hurting sometimes hits me. You know what, I deserve to hurt in some way for what Christ went through as well as my sins on him. Hurting from my spinal cord injury, and other broken bones is only one small part I can endure to be showing and feeling the love for Jesus!

Psalm 5;2-4 Prayer for Divine Help, Hear my words, O Lord; listen to my sighing. Hear my cry for help, my king, my God! To you I pray, O Lord, at dawn you will hear my cry, at dawn I will plead before and wait.

My underserving love bond with God and Jesus

For starters, God has blessed me throughout my life many times. Many times, that were flat out undeserving of due to my behavior. However, God, and Jesus stood by my side this entire time. They have walked by my side, they have saved my life, they have blessed me with opportunity's. As well, they have offered me to have special gifts in life, either for flying or for team roping and rodeo, or now with some of the writing stuff. I cannot, literally cannot wrap my mind around the love they have for us humans, and the undeserving love. God blessed me, throughout times I was not praising him, well if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been alive through those times to of not been praising him and giving him Glory. If it was not for God, I would not have what I have, be what I am, accomplished what I did, and do, or have any kind of future at all. There is no doubt in my mind, God and Jesus are real, the only question happens to be are we making them happy and proud. Also, faith and believing in God does not mean you live in fantasy land or not in reality. That is not what believing in God means at all. Believing in God is strength and in God there is strength. I lost my ways lots of times in life. I literally had to re-shift, restart and refocus. Lots of times had to fall back on God, what I knew and know, I know throughout all tough times God comforts and helps the good.

Proverbs 4;25-28; Attitude toward fellow man, Be not afraid of sudden terror, of the ruin of the wicked when it comes; For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from the snare. Refuse no one the good on which he has a claim when it is in your power to do it for him. Say not to your neighbor, "Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give," when you can give at once.

PTSD causes, triggers, attacks. Listed last page what living life daily with that is like.

PTSD attacks, triggers or causes can come from anything that brought past harm, hurt or pain. Obviously, my left side, I'm more paranoid about since I was T-Boned on my left. Also have any past hurt over the loss of flying, team roping rodeo and not being able to share current stuff with my dad, or where i would be if not for my accident. In no way does it cause harm that cannot do those anymore wishing I didn't know what it felt like to have all of that. I am grateful to of had that lifestyle, that life and had the opportunity to make some lifelong memory's with some special people along the way. I will admit I was a complete monster at times with anger and a new level of hate and rage that was scary. This was caused by lots of my PTSD. Before the ibogaine treatment in Mexico at Ambio life, and before sobriety leveling off on medication and finding a great counselor and feeling like I'm out of whatever sucked me in last year into the depths of hell. Do not let past trauma bait you and draw you into current pain and hurt, but there was a time in my life due to anger and road rage before counseling, sobriety all the time to even moods out, as well as ibogaine where I would give a person the finger or brake check them or slam on the brakes and try dragging them off behind me. I will admit, I was a freaking nuisance and was walking a dangerous line. But gladly no one was hurt throughout any of these times, and no legal ramifications came from any of this PTSD trauma seeping out in ways uncontrollable at one time. Time of my accident, my parents were both told its not if it's when I will suffer from PTSD level of trauma I went through. To anyone, I felt was thinking poorly of me or doing things detrimental to my life I damn near turned hostile against even not being close with them. PTSD can be a horrible thing, can also have you believing things that are accurate about certain people being in life.

Wisdom 14 The Origin and Evils of Idolatry; 12-14 For the source of wantonness is the devising of idols; and their invention was a corruption of life. For in the beginning, they were not nor shall they continue forever, for by the vanity of men they came into the world and therefore a sudden end is devised for them.

Yes, there will be shreds of current life that, in current life that makes what lost in accident hurt worse!

For one save yourself, do not go down this road. I used to do this with flying, every time saw an airplane flying overhead used to think, if not for my accident my further advancements would have gotten me there. As well, used to see trucks and trailers, and almost be brought to tears about missing team roping and rodeo as well. Flying was my career goal, had been since age, so for me to go from working on commercial license as private pilot building flight hours. For sure hurts at times when think where I could be and should be if not for my accident. But God, had other plans for me my accident happened, and I believe in some ways brought me to what needed to be doing all along. There have been many times, that have made things harder because missing flying or team roping, then until ibogaine used to let my mind torture me on where I would be if not for my accident. If not for my accident, I would've hopefully been married by now with a family and flying corporate. But things changed with my accident, that took away much of my future and regular life would have had and was planning on having all my life.

It does no good to dwell on that though, that only makes things worse and there is no need for a depression cloud, I already grieved the loss, now I am doing all I can to live life to full extent and be happy and cheerful!

Proverbs 21; 29: The wicked man is brazenfaced, but the upright man pays heed to his ways.

Moving on!

This happens to be a must for mental health, especially my mental health. Move on, from any past hurt or pain, move on from last stage of recovery. But while moving on, always hold those dear who helped you out and were there for you through hard times. Moving on and having short term memory thinking process on purpose happens to be beneficial. In team roping last steer if i would miss i would forget about and go stick next steer aggressive thinking of steer before that went out and stuck. But moving on from any past pain or hurt, but in the back of your mind learn something from each one of those times but focus on the good. The bad and hard times in life, often teach us a lot, teach us who we are really. What type of person we really are inside, and what type of person we were born to be. The groups, and supportive people after hardships are often times different than imagined and are the least expected ones. The ways out are least expected as well, if someone would of told me that psychedelics would be what healed me through ibogaine I would've told them they were flat ass nuts. I know sobriety should make things much better, and with the new counselor i was skeptical. I really had some, I didn't mesh with there were personality clashes that didn't mesh well. I was skeptical about this new counselor now have had almost a year her name is Elizabeth she has done a world of good for me. She got promoted at where she is at, I'm not surprised she for sure deserves that and needs that especially with what a great counselor she happens to be. She really got me much further along than any counselor or psychiatrist have before. The only bad side is I don't get to see her for counseling as often which really helps. But moving on and holding on to things that make me who I really am, are things that Elizabeth has been huge on, and I have done so much better with her not drudging up past hurt. Elizabeth hit things really right, like your normal now, but you have struggles lets discuss what's now and forward. She was not going backwards, and with Elizabeth I've already done the homework for each counseling appointment, she is really good. Some counselors want to hit things and kick a bloody wasp nest that's hurting, and they only sting it more. I will say I relied on Mike to be counseling at one time through therapy, God Bless Mike, and his family. God Bless Kyle, for putting up with my mood swings, when they began switching medication before leveled off and finding one that works. But my explosive behavior time being around Kyle Magrum and how he handled all of that, bless him and his family. Also, all these people I'm grateful for, wanted me to climb out of that depressed misery hole. But all these people wanted me moving on from these feelings and times of hurt and misery, they wanted me feeling better not to stay there or sink lower which I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate these people. in a bible verse I read tonight, talk about forward through Christ in Christ, that's the way I went about things was forward knowing Jesus was walking by my side, God as well. God is an understanding, loving, forgiving God slow to anger as talks about in Old Testament, even though I read more New Testament. I certainly still fear God, and quite honestly am scared to face him on judgement day, for all the mistakes and let downs I let him down on It will be hard on my judgment day to look at Gods face. I am striving for a life I am not fearing embarrassment of showing my face on judgement day. I also apologize to God and Jesus for living a life vain at times for them to be part of my life. God and Jesus want to be part of people's lives and be part and recognized and honored for their sacrifice. I feel it is time to start giving God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit their wish. my faith planted roots run deep, anytime I came across angry at God it was out of frustration and not directed at God, I kept those close prayers at heart deep inside. But honestly, I pray throughout the day whenever doing stuff. I find it good, also extremely peaceful to pray to God and talk with Jesus throughout the day, they want to be your friends. Mary Magdala talks lots about keeping prayers private, and quiet and close between person and God.

Isaiah 10;1-2, Social Injustice, Woe to those who enact unjust statues and who write oppressive decrees. Depriving the needy of judgement and robbing my peoples poor of their rights. Making widows their plunder, and orphans their prey.

My parents (vital role)

My parents played a vital role in my recovery, as well as me being the person i am today. They raised me with a strong work ethic that was shocking to many therapists, they also taught me to treat people with respect at a young age, to be mannerly, polite, caring, empathetic, sympathetic as well as stand my ground for my own life and defend my ground, don't let anyone hurt me. My parents played a vital role in all my successes, they were there for my team roping and rodeos, my flying, my accident recovery, relationships, everything in between. My parents made certain I was well educated from a young age, they made certain I went to a division one college that reason to that being a flame out was immaturity on my part, they paid for my flying lessons and for me to get my private pilot's license, they allotted for me to team rope and rodeo with already having nice horses, truck trailer and tack, they made certain I was to make all appointments after my accident with doctors and therapy appointments. My mom closed her cleaning business the time of my accident which I will always greatly appreciate. She did this because my mom and dad loved me and love me unconditionally and with their entire heart and wanted the best for me. They tried everything they knew my entire life. I also thank my parents for instilling a fierce fear of God in me, as well as strong love for God, Jesus, Mary, the Holy Spirit, and no I do not worship Mary but pray to her, for people that do not have faith, this is a hard one for you and pay attention to other stuff. But for those of you without faith you grew up, not knowing or being exposed to God or faith, I also notice that many religious extremists drive many away from religion. God wants us happy, doing the right thing, but even the religious extremist who think they are not sinning every day, still are. We all as humans, are sinners and God did not come for the saints, he came for the sinners. A former priest used to have at a parish used to biblical mustard seed analogy for having faith such as a mustard seed to grow strong and sprout up from a tiny spec.

Jeremiah 5;1; Universal corruption, Roam the streets of Jerusalem look about and observe. Search through her public places to find even one Who lives uprightly and seeks to be faithful, and I will pardon her.

Honesty, stay honest, appreciate honesty from others

For starters, I really despise lying, I despise myself anytime I have lied or lie. I CANNOT STAND LYING, lying is such a waste and you do not feel good when you lie. There is no validity to a lie, therefore what brings satisfaction is valid therefore be honest pretty simple. I always appreciate honesty, anyone can lie anyone can say wasteful words, that are merely hot air. I am saying this, because personally speaking, I got all hurt over something I needed to hear and wasn't even said the way I took it by the therapist Danielle, I mentioned previously on this site, mentioned in book as well. But I appreciate what she told me, I needed to hear that, months later and now looking back man I would be pretty pissed off if would've lied to me. I appreciate when people are honest, especially when it would've been so much easier to lie, in fact I was actually inspired turned out by that lady because she had a brain injury went on to be full physical therapist. Therefore, many times, whenever I ever found myself after that getting a little mental fatigued (not needing naps I do not, and will not nap) but overall, in general mentally fatigued and feel like slacking off I think of that Danielle getting her doctorates degree after a brain injury and what that must took. Push on from there and was pretty simple. Anytime I thought about slacking off physically, I thought of my dad walking iron ironworking with a neck brace on after he was in a car wreck and broke his neck. I think about the pain my dad must be going through to be having to one, be back on iron that quickly after a car wreck due to pain and healing, but for two the major one. The lack of warmth i feel my dad felt out on iron shortly after being in a car accident or think about how he was kicked in the knee by a horse tore his ACL and didn't get it fixed. It caused him many problems many years later, however. Or thought about the uncertainty my mom faced with her kidney disease, and what she faced with that. Or there is inspiration all over the place all different levels, as I've listed my other main ones on pictures page besides these. But these are ones I have been around and spent time around. What I asked that Danielle was if she thought I was fat? I was 240 at the time, working on dropping weight again but was binge drinking, lying and on prescriptions that made dropping weight hard at the time was over all pissed off at the world and in general looking for a reason to take something offensive that was I no way even inferred that way. All she said was she think all people can lose some, seriously all people have some percentage of fat on them. But I took that, and turned that into she said I'm ugly and fat and doesn't want me dating? Yes, I was delusional then, many thanks to Ibogaine, sobriety, new counselor Elizabeth as well as mood stabilizer Depakote. Truth be told yes i needed to lose quite a bit at 240, look like garbage at 240 and really attractive guy under a certain size, I appreciate honesty. I would've been pissed now looking back if she would've lied to me then and said no or you look good time being. Me under a certain size means average size looking in appearance and smaller as in thinner and more trimmed, my body frame is naturally medium build even at my lighter sizes besides when lost all muscle tone and all muscles. I'm at 195 now wearing my 32x34 jeans my natural ideal weight, but i am dropping back to between 170-185 pounds, I'm much more comfortable with myself there.

Jeremiah 9;13-14 Threats of punishment, I will gather them all in, says the Lord: no grapes on the vine, No figs on the fig trees, foliage withered! Why do we remain here? Let us form ranks and enter the walled cities, to perish there; For the Lord has wrought our destruction he has given us poison to drink, because we have sinned against the Lord.

Denial (common at time of trauma like an accident)

Denial is an all too real thing, and no one is more obnoxious dealing with than someone in denial and that won't accept the truth. Denial that your accident happened and that you had the injury's you had will be a common feeling as well. Accepting those injuries, accepting what happened to you. Does not mean you are accepting the circumstances accepting that as quality of life. With security we lose denial, anyways there's my two cents of peace for today. Denial flares up in people also, when topics come up that they personally need to change and address. I know I've been there with my drinking and have been there with my prescription pill addiction, happened anytime anyone would say anything about weight over a certain size I would get all offended over everything and know I need to get smaller size again because really attractive guy under certain size wearing my natural sized jeans. But I knew at the time that meant I needed to quit drinking, which I knew was a major problem for numerous reasons.

Jeremiah 10;22 True Glory, Thus says the Lord: Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, nor the strong man glory in his strength, nor the rich man glory in his riches.

Drop the what's the point

People, I tell myself to not say this to certain stuff at times. Do not think, that there has not been a lot of times throughout my life as well as my accident recovery that's really the beginning of my life and making of my life. But there were many times, with certain little minute exercises that were physical therapy exercises and not more like personal training exercises. There were times with lots of those that felt that way on. Certain people being around my life, I certainly feel that way about the way current people will be around me and see me based on people from unproud phases being around. But I feel like this is an excuse losers make in life, for not putting forth effort and even trying because that would take too much work on their part. Have a winner attitude throughout the entire recovery, wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed about what am i going to accomplish today and make better! Trust me, when I came off about what is the point about a few things my dad set me straight really quickly, and not in the friendliest manner. I have been in some fights, some with some damn good fighters, I am not a fighter more so came off from kidding around that drunk kidding around as people know is not proper kidding around. But been in some fights over things like that but never feared anyone but feared my dad to death physically, he was strongest and toughest guy I ever met. My dad loved me with all of his heart, and if I would not corporate or listen, he did what he had to make certain I sure as hell wouldn't make that mistake again or think that way again. Me and my dad came to blows at times, when i would get frustrated, hormones would be raging, anger from hurt would hit, would be drinking, would be chasing more further success and to go further flying and team roping and rodeo as well as focusing on building my career. But there would be times, I would throw up my hands and be like what's the freaking point, then things would come to blows, then everything resolved after that. Many times, of course being a young 20's and late teens had all the answers and knew more than my parents come to find out, they are not near as stupid as I thought they were for years. I am saying that kiddingly, as in my mom tells me often see I wasn't born yesterday Kyle like you like to think. Which I am not that way around people, most the time around people I'm asking them questions or talking to them casually about things going on at the moment or past good times. But anytime you go to do something good, and you feel there is no point. Stop and think to yourself, that's an opportunity and a chance at getting better don't pass it up, greatest project you can work on is self.

Matthew 12 28-30 The Gentle mastery of Christ, Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.

Loss of my dad

Well for starters, i go off of now my dad 2020 and prior. He felt horrid, the last few years he was alive and couldn't figure out, yet he refused to go to the doctor. He was tired lots, cranky lots, shorter tempered more often, when normally prior to late 2020 he really was a lot different. Anyways, in August of 2022, after having a long scare previously with my dad unable to stay awake for a couple weeks prior and him all of a sudden taking sick time from work. On August 29th, the day after my birthday, one morning I just started reading a new book I recently received for my birthday, when all of a sudden i can hear my mom frantically saying oh my God, oh my God Mike stay with me, stay with. I rushed to the back bathroom where my 5'2 little mom was holding up my 6'1 dad who was of bigger build. I frantically called 911, they had people sent on the way and my mom dad all of a sudden came to again. He then was transferred to a hospital, then to the great hospital that handled my accident for his final treatments, before his passing. They found out he had cancer widespread all over cancer, melanoma, liver and lung. My dad kept trying as he was finishing up his final days on earth with me, my mom and some of my dad closest friends around him he kept trying to get home to listen to music on the patio evening time with me. I asked the nurse to turn music on the computer as he was finishing out his time on earth, she did. I turned on some of my favorites to listen to with my dad, some of my dad's original songs he got me listening to. I was in the room as he drew his last breath, that last breath was oh so long and oh so heavy. After my dad passed, i rushed out of therapy, but i was in therapy over one year to long, but it snapped i needed to pull the trigger on getting out of therapy. I did, joined the work force again, not doing stuff that was my first choice but running loaders for a couple of companies for a short time after my accident before starting my own business with my own loader which I really like. But most of what I was doing was showing stuff for future motivation. My dad was born November 3, 1958- passed away September 17th, 2022. My dad's thing was hunting and duck calling, and hunting. He took third in the world three times duck calling, growing up and did some work on calling tapes, personally I did not call at all, I got bit by the rodeo and horse bug. But I did not get bit by the hunt bug. It was so sudden, his passing was sudden, he went non responsive. Me and my dad were on a front patio kick after the days were over. We used to go sit on the patio, he would put a song on and see if I could guess or know who was singing. He also started getting me listening to lots of Parker McCollum, as well as Warren Zeiders, I used to listen to lots of that out on front patio with my dad, also share flight clips of some of our favorite air show people. I flew my parents around as private pilots, and my dad knew aerobatic was on my list of things to knock off as well. Much thanks to my dad, if not for my dad I would not of discovered Mace Curren (Michelle Curran or Wick) who happens to be a major person I look up to as well as Dozen (Trevor) Alridge. I'm currently reading Maces book while I am doing all of this. Also, to any kids or young adults reading this, stay in school college pays off. My dads, K-State education paid for my luxurious childhood at times, and provided me great opportunities, I am grateful he stayed in school. Also, if not for my dad, I wouldn't say the Amna Christi prayer. Sometimes my dad would give me grief of being like some cowboy artist in way I talked. Drove my dad nuts when I would say two things back-to-back and no connection between the at all.

John 5;43-45; Return to Galilee, After the two days, he left there for Galilee. For Jesus himself testified that a prophet has no honor in his native place. When he came into Galilee, the Galileans welcomed him, since they had seen all he had done in Jerusalem at the feast.

Hey y'all, here's a little about me!

Hey people, I'm Kyle Christiansen, private pilot, cowboy, and motivational content and speaker! September 12th 2015 i was T-boned, ejected, broke my back T8,10,12, incomplete spinal cord tear at 12, broken pelvis, arm, ribs both sides, torn acl, meniscus and hamstring. Also had collapsed lung, with road rash, 4 back surgery's, 1 arm surgery, 1 knee surgery, 7 years of physical therapy, along with extra work all 7 years with personal training some years! I want to show people, what the positive benefits are to getting your life back, after a horrible accident. Showing people still going strong, doing hard stuff, I want to show people what happens when you work with your physical therapist and work with a personal trainer, the positive benefits after an accident. On the emotional and mental side, want to show people and shed light on Ibogaine and counseling, as well as sobriety, a combination of all those can get you back to your natural roots inside. Make a person a force to be reckoned with then, be strong people, be courageous, stand your ground, be grateful, hold God dear, keep the faith even when times, literally feel like they are falling apart, trust the process and knowledge in your therapist and their expertise. People i have been to my breaking point, at my wits end before. Both with people, and things, felt like life was a big block for future success. Whenever this happens, look at this or whatever or whoever as a test by God to force through and continue pushing onwards. As i write this, i am not only grateful to all my doctors, therapist, nurses, hospital staff, people dealt with that had things to do with my accident, but also for our United States Armed Forces, and I am a proud American. Yes, you could say, to other country's a stray because original origins are Denmark and Ireland. I still have a Danish shipbuilding kit of a great ancestors from coming to America. Thats why the tattoo, my almost complete sleeve (missing the Celtic cross in bare spot) happens to be maps of Denmark and Ireland, with time of my accident on the clock on my wrist tattoo. Really stands for born again, stay true to natural roots and natural things and natural destinations. i am not only taking people on, showing people my progressive life after spinal cord injury/brain injury recovery. I had both to recover from, but i am also taking people on this wonderful, life changing back to way my mind and body ought to be. I am taking people along on this Ibogaine treatment journey as well. In this Ibogaine treatment, I am doing what continued living recommended afterwards also. That was already my style at times, but no alcohol, clean eating, all natural besides prescriptions needed and stay close to your core beliefs as a person and as a human! I feel as if I've grown closer to God in spirituality with and through Ibogaine, as well as sobriety and counseling. I am showing people what is possible, especially through lots of hard work, determination and physical therapy, as well as personal training. I will admit without God not anything is possible, nor would any of my successes or accomplishments. My two parents big Mike Christiansen and LaRee Smith Christiansen made lots of life possible and helped me throughout many dark times. They are, at large to thank for a large part of this recovery. My parents are the definition of unconditional love, and have loved me through many times that would've been hard to of. I've really made my parents proud, and proud often throughout the years, but man I also made some pretty epic mistakes, and bone head decisions along the way, but my parents loved me as much even through those much trying times. I am a smart guy, I've made my fair share of bad choices, and dumb options, but so goes life... live and learn and continue onwards with positivity. I know what getting caught in the negative dwellings to long, and be driven almost mad before coming out of that level of sadness, and hurt. To be bright and chipper, naturally happy when I awake now again. It has been so nice, to be hearing lots of people saying, and telling my mom its great to see my smile again and me happy again (still all needs normal all across board). I fell, into many depression traps throughout this recovery, don't anyone do that, there are things that if you allow yourself to go there. Your mind will play tricks on you, and your own mind will torture you and you will sink lower into depression, because you either, allowed yourself to go to a place you should not of, after an accident. Or straight out, you were not in an emotional stable enough spot/ secure enough spot to open certain aspects of life's past hurt there. Everyone watch, your personal thoughts about the way you feel, and think about yourself and watch your self talk. Do not be your worst enemy, don't shoot your own foot off, stay true, stay real, stay legit, stay active, stay mobile. Many times, throughout this recovery, at times of limited range, or limited on whatever aspect because of injury. That has certainly felt scary, numerous times have felt afraid from lack of range of body parts, or life aspects for a while after my accident until I started going out being social again and going out again. This accident, recovery honestly happens to be a scary one also, hearing they don't know if you'll walk again or not, they can't say if you will or not, was certainly scary. What did I do in that time? Well I did and do anytime I find myself in an unfamiliar situation or scary situation and that was stick to what I knew, stuck to what I was confident in and built the rest off therapist confidence in my body recovering and what I could do after my accident. Was I afraid last year 2024? Yes, last year was an emotional, and mental year from hell but so much proof of the greatness of, Ibogaine, a great counselor, and sobriety can all together help a person out of. Best thing you can do, is not get to down in the emotional deep dark depression valleys, along the way and not to elevated on the successes along the way. But always ride the highs, ride the successes, learn from the hurt times, learn from the mistakes, learn from the bad times, that way they will not happen again and you will be better equipped for success next thing you do. Just like life, the accident happens to be much alike. Watch your self talk, especially when you stoop into those dark depression valleys along the way, I don't know it's so quick to fall out of love with oneself. But it is! I have learned, so much along this journey, especially about myself and a lot about people and this road called life.

Baruch 2;13; Confession of guilt, Pray for us also to the Lord, our God; for we have sinned against the Lord, our God, and the wrath and anger of the Lord have not yet been withdrawn from us at the present day.

What showing with motivation

I am showing recovery, and progressive life in what I am doing now, in motivation but want to put them into a list to organize a little better.

My accident

My accident where I was tboned, ejected, broke my back at T8,10,12, incomplete tear on spine at 12, brain bleed frontal and temporal lobe, collapsed lung, road rash, torn acl, meniscus and hamstring. Here was beginning of recovery.

6 months after back on a horse

Yes, I was lifted on the horse, and led around for awhile before turned loose on my heel horse to ride around dry lot. Stayed in dry lot before pastures and arena again.

Doing things around the ranch

Here is a picture of throwing out mineral and salt blocks for horses. But here is also taking care of our ranch.

My business

Showing my business stuff and some of what I do on my job sites.

Flying again

Showing people capable of being the one doing all the flying again after my accident recovery. I am however out on medical, and cannot be only private pilot onboard anymore, have to fly with flight instructor now to log pilot in command time since medical.

My accident recovery recap/book/motivation/progressive life

Showing my accident recovery as well as, recapping this entire journey start to finish to here and now and the continuation of it all, as life goes onward.

Get yourself unstuck

A lot of times, not only throughout life, but throughout this accident recovery, whether a person be recovering from brain bleed, or spinal cord injury, my two biggest injury's, especially spinal cord injury. But to also people who have overcame alcohol, this relates to you to because once again unstuck yourself off of alcohol. In recovery, there will be sticking points, plateaus both physically and emotionally, don't get down in the depths of the depression valleys along the way, and don't skydive of the peaks of the highs. Ride the good, learn from the bad. My accident recovery, had me at one point wondering, if I would walk again, at one point prior to that though. Had me scared, about being understood for what I am actually saying, unlike those treacherous brain injury fog days shortly after. I am glad, I can remove brain injury from my vocabulary, and that is rewired, from the much-appreciated Ibogaine. Also, really easy to get caught up in things but it's always good to remember those who were there after an accident, and there throughout the recovery through the peaks and valleys. Getting unstuck, happens to be something I find helpful with ways of thinking, and sometimes our thought process to because can, get zeroed in on one specific thought, and not be able to think about anything else, besides that one thing, this creates the problem of needing to get out of your own way.

Psalm 56;2-4, Trust in God; Have mercy on me, God, for I am treated harshly; attackers press me all the day. My foes treat me harshly all the day; yes, many are my attackers. O Most High, when I am afraid in you I place my trust.

Getting out of your own way

There has been many times, throughout my 33 years of life ( will be 34 this upcoming August), but many times throughout recovery as well. In many times, the people I've found through my own personal experiences, (speaking because I was like this about certain things at one time) are the defiant ones, that need to get out of their own way for future success. If a person, says anything for example about your drinking, do not cop an attitude, with them and get a chip on your shoulder, without looking mirror and seeing what you see. Needless to say, because a person says a thing about you doesn't mean it's true or factual, but if you look in the mirror, and your life resembles that comment and remark, then you should probably listen. I have found, this often with people and weight, often times, have an attitude about larger, and I am saying this from my own personal battles, when I was at larger sizes, I'm naturally happier, at a smaller size and naturally more vibrant, around my ideal natural weight, which I'm around now late July of 2025 again. I used to deny my brain injury, I still have a brain injury, but it does not affect me in ways effects most or others. As well my brain injury, has been reversed by Ibogaine, and time after my accident recovery. Sometimes when someone says a thing to you, it is because they care and see much more for you, than you see for yourself and can see you obtaining those things, as long as the certain behavior stops. My own inner, self -critic has been the leading cause, to me self-destructing more times than I care to count in life, by self-destructive behavior, on the brink of pushing over into much more success. I quit stimulants and drinking because of those things, sometimes you have to get out of your own way to go farther and rise higher, sometimes you have to bleed to feel better, sometimes you have to cut out, certain things or people for mental clarity and sanity, but do not lose yourself, in the midst of all of this. I am going to be straight out blunt, and brutally totally honest; I have a tendency, (which this happens to be a hard one to deal with because naturally how wired as a person), to be emotional and get wrapped up in emotions. Do not get wrapped to much up in emotions either, this I found led me to lots of self-medicating with alcohol and stimulants. I also with my motivation, want to help anyone out avoid, the level of depression I have sunk into, and as my mom and I spoke about. As some others have mentioned to me, I can be found inspirational or motivational, for more than only people, who are coming off injuries. There has been, much life I have lived, many phases gone through to find my natural true self again at the end, that did not come easy though. That did not come without, at one point hating myself, that did not come from without not knowing what self-love felt like for a while, that was lost for a while I found again. In sobriety I also found self-love, pride, control, power of life back in my control, I still battle self-forgiveness for the college experience and all immaturity at time and going off before I was ready, I knew I wasn't ready at that time as my parents were telling me. Cyfer through things you hear, and listen accordingly, obviously I should have been listening to my parents, they could see me about to make mistakes they could see coming, ones they would've made in my situation more than likely. Honesty is best policy all the way around, as well both with yourself and your therapist. If you have more than you are giving, and you know you should and could give more, don't let yourself down and short the exercises. I know from being there previously times, where therapist did not know whether my body part, could go a certain range or do certain stuff. I always pushed through and gave all effort, do not think the thought did not, cross my mind of well, ha they do not know, will not know, I could pull one over on them. But I did not, I did full range, because I also did not want to short myself, and I took physical therapy seriously, handled with upbeat personality but dealt with a serious hand. Also do not think, it did not cross my mind at times (not ever did quitting cross my mind) but I'd think, how much simpler life would be non-injured. But I cannot let myself go there, neither should you that's not a good place, everyone's different and handles things differently. Personally, I'd stay stuck if I did that, what I have to do with things like that, is to bury in little box, I call my safe sanity box, I only go to and open, when I'm in an emotionally secure spot, and emotional stable place. Because some things buried there, are loss of team roping and rodeo, loss of airline pilot career was working on, building hours for commercial as private pilot, loss of some things that take for granted until spinal cord injury, loss of some good pets, loss of my dad, loss of some memories I won't be able to make ones like them again, people who id care to see again I won't I lost track of, some people to be real honest, its best for me not to see again, some people it would be great seeing again, so goes life. I have learned a lot about life, and an immense amount about myself along this accident recovery road. Many things were learned the hard way, some throughout trial and error, and learn from the pain of the errors. People if you look to intensely, too long in the rearview, you will trip and bust up, break open your face in current life, for fear of those painful things happening again in current life. Let past pain strengthen you, wizen you and enlighten you for future endeavors but don't let them scar you, or keep you from living life up to the fullest, life is to short, and news flash, on judgement day in front of God he's not going to say, oh but you did not live life because, you were once hurt previously, nope he is going to expect that you keep on, laying them over and keep on trucking.

John 7;61-63 The words of Eternal life, Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, "Does this shock you? What if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

My mental health battles

Now obviously, after a couple brain injuries there will be things that don't want to deal with mentally. Whether they be unwanted thoughts, severe depression, paralyzing anxiety, triggering PTSD all the time, not pleasant memories and having a hard time remembering the good times and not the bad times. That happened to be a major struggle of mine after my brain injuries, but I do not have any memory problems now, like many with brain injuries struggle with. I struggle more with delusions, delusions feeling like people are doing certain stuff to my life. I also felt held down and prevented in aspects of my life. This was a massive delusion, please no one go down that road I did. That is a brutal cold road, also do not fall for unwanted thoughts. I battled falling for unwanted thoughts, instead of letting them pass I would get locked in on them and then hung up on them.

Another battle was feeling as if people from unproud phases of my life were around my life doing certain stuff to my life that was making me more miserable. This was a maddening feeling, because it felt as if seriously people were my accident not enough pain for you people. But that was a delusion the people from school were not around, I knew they weren't when things were all going well. However, when things in my personal life started falling apart, I started feeling as if they were behind stuff pulling strings. These were miserable feelings, also another battle I personally have battle and overcome, but still fight. Here it goes, I feel like people have tried to take away from my successes, laugh at my accident recovery at times, think the worse of me. I can walk in a room; someone sees me 5 thoughts hit my mind almost. 4 positive and 1 negative and until ibogaine my mind locked in on the negative one and thought that is what the person, or people are thinking. Many times, at many stressful moments my inner critic kicks in and destroys everything with insults. Inner critic for, me was a past friend and its not anything he said but I can picture him saying it in certain times and situations. Due to being through many phases in my life, many some people were unaware to has led me to have these thoughts at times. Also living large life, really all my life I really have a lot of thoughts. My inner critic was really there, really after my accident that kicked in, because for flying and team roping it was always someone higher up almost laughing at my skillset that was my inner critic that picked me apart many times. Now with that being said, no one laughed at my skill set. My self-disciplinary figure I use on myself to fix things in my life, is me at my lightest but sounding like my dad, talking to myself from the outside. I learned lots, about myself digging deep at times and doing some deep soul searching. Many times, when things get overbearing, drink a drink of coffee if around it and ask Jesus to be with me and ride with me through the day. I battled constant fear about flying again as only pilot on board again and being able to get medical back and bump up from private to commercial after logging more flight hours. Also, team roping and rodeoing was really going really well at the time, planned on continuing bumping up in that, but keeping as a hobby but a competitive hobby. After, I became aware it was not in the cards for me to fly again and would be asinine on my part to try team roping again. Here is why, I am an incomplete spinal tear, and ten years of life walking down the drain would happen if I got injured slightly. Therefore, for concerns of my future, and the future of motivation I am going to ride again, but not team rope again. This caused much depression, much depression I used to get through at the time, really with going out on lots of dates and talking to my therapist while working with them. When I worked with Mike and Kyle, I was really struggling emotionally and they kind of helped keep things together from the outside. Also, sometime my inner critic kicked in and made me feel like I was being laughed at for being nice to some people. Also, that goes for people I would come in contact with after my accident at times. Natural me, would be friendly but then my inner critic kicks in and goes do not do this. This was a battle prior to a certain year, really 2021 but battled since as well, that was a huge reason I did not wear boots through class at school until college. Was I was not wanting to be laughed at, or have negative comments made.

Biggest battle for me, was delusions and feeling like people were doing things to my life they were not doing, this almost drove me mad. This was almost the end of the rope for me and my mom, and our such loving mother son relationship all of my life. This all happens to be hugely, where ibogaine has helped immensely. Ibogaine, has redirected my mind pathways on to a go straight normal thinking course, had to go catch my mind out in left field for a while. Ibogaine, I believe is a must for anyone struggling mentally it, along with aligning back with the Holy Spirit, God, Jesus, Mary, St. Michael, St. Francis (for animals), and my patron St. Augustine have since birth. Ibogaine and my new counselor have really helped lots with my mental battles. As well, my mom being a huge part of being there for me for much reassurance in years prior, and to be there to help me when I am feeling down, my mom always has a way of lifting me up by not even trying.

Another mental battles that almost was the end of me, was thinking in the horrendous phase. What I mean by the horrendous phases means throughout my life until after ibogaine and sobriety my weight has always fluctuated and been all over the place, been really thin, and real obese to. Now the me I want to be seen as is obviously current phases, in my thin phases and the rest of my life will be spent under a certain size. These are all mental battles up to me to work on, as well as communicate because as all know no one can read minds. The level of stress I have felt due to the pain (many times I was cutting myself inside with, with past wounds) I have felt and also gone through. No need to add anything onto yourself after an accident with all the unneeded mental nonsense. there's enough going on, my times throughout sometimes were all I could do to grind through. Past wounds, that cut the deepest were ones that were self-inflicted one's years back that burnt up years off my life and any burnt years, that hurt to think where I would be now if not for my accident and those times.

John 9;24; The man born blind; So a second time they called the man who had been blind and said to him. "Give God the praise! We know that this man is a sinner.

Do not have a chip on your shoulder

Many times, throughout my life, whenever I felt people were judging, or thinking the worst I would naturally cop an attitude and geta chip on my shoulder. Do not do this throughout therapy, or other times throughout life, not everyone is thinking the worse I came to find out, by learning through much trial-and-error pain that some did not view me poorly at all. But hindsight being what it is 20/20, and staying the progressive life forward, Do not get an attitude with people trying to help from past pain, past negative experiences or anything like that. Also, generally what I have learned by being around that walk of life for almost 8 years are they are really caring, calm, nice people. Also know also people, no matter how big and bad you think you are, there is always someone bigger and badder, that's way life works. Also, most the time, someone bigger will knock that chip off you need to stay in check and keep grinding forward and doing great stuff. Do not rip on your bottom lip, for feeling sorry for yourself to long either, must stay griding forward, and looking at all the bright great opportunity's all around. Allow yourself grieve time, emotional time, feeling sorry for self-time, but then you have to snap back out, of that and get it back together and push forward from there. Everyone over a certain age has internal baggage, and scare and has seen sadness, some obviously more than others and to more extremes but all have seen to some degree of that.

2 Corinthians 7; 14-16 Call to Holiness, Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawless have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?

Contact

No need to stress, feel free to reach out love talking with people. For people shortly after an accident, needing a pick me up for a bright light on things. Feel free to text me, call me or email me. I will tell you honestly what I did, and will be straight out honest with you!

kylec1991c@gmail.com

913-755-5620

Personality shift back to natural

Well, for starters my personality for a long time was tainted by my brain injury and depression. Much thanks, to my hard work and the tools given to me by counselor Elizabeth, Ibogaine treatment in Mexico, as well as sobriety. I believe all of that put together, was all the kickstart of something great with my motivation and getting my motivational stuff going. Career goal prior to the business and motivation especially motivation was airline (corporate actually) pilot but shifted to motivation years into therapy. But my personality shifted back out of hardnosed, no kidding, angry, back to naturally chill inside, laid back would rather hug, than fight and kidding around me. My natural personality I was born with is back now. Now for everyone out there battling depression, it does get better, to anyone out there suffering from alcohol addiction, you can quit and live a sober life, to anyone with spinal cord injury or brain injury you can recover. Also, you can drop weight again after a spinal cord injury or brain bleed, it is completely possible, as many know. Really after an accident recovery there really is no need not to have a great life all aspects. Feel inside everyone you recovered for a reason and recover for a reason to live. for a while after my accident, I literally acted as if my personality was in fact developed in an actual car crash. But thanks to God, time and ibogaine it came back.

Ephesians 2;1-4; Generosity of God's plan, You were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you once lived following the age of this world, following the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the disobedient. All of us once lived among them in the desires of our flesh, following the wishes of the flesh and impulses, and we were by nature children of wrath, like the rest. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love he had for us.

Respect (both self and for others)

It appears in today's society, people have grown comfortable, with disrespectful, don't do that remain respectful, don't think people are trying to do you wrong or are out to get you, and treat people how you would like to be treated, with respect and kind fully. I have seen this over and over with some people around the city and around society in general on the news as well. Respect is important, self-respect, and loving oneself is completely alright and should, treating other people well, and with respect, and honesty, is a must to. Self-respect, with me starts with appearance, and the way I look and present myself. Only grow out beard, when I'm completely depressed, and are throwing up my hands, on trying in life. Also dress nice or dress up, like you're going out don't go out dressed down. Dress nicely, how you normally would dress, and you naturally feel better dressing nicer, and being in your natural comfortable, nice clothes and not feeling like you need to hide that and dress down, because are around certain people, or are or have felt like people from unproud phases, of your life are around or are doing things to your life. Trust me, there wasn't anything quite as miserable, as feeling like someone from high school, or college, was tampering and, messing up my future, when they only knew a short phase, me that drank, and obviously, wasn't the real me. Have to keep clear minded, and keep fact from fiction, and keep real from delusion, and I know people, that gets really hard sometimes when everything is telling you the opposite. But listen to those close to you, and around you in your close inner circle, and the whole time even when you feel like why they would be taking this time to mess with me, that feeling is so strong it overrides that I get it. I know that feeling overrides the logic, but you cannot let this make you make choices. Stay logical and stay in the know, and stay courteous and respectful, and do not think people that once hurt you are still like that! Respect means a lot, in terms of respect for some people I rather be respected than liked. But all across the board, I also noticed it seemed as if some people were growing comfortable with disrespecting themselves, whether neglecting their personal appearance, or neglecting their mindset and positivity after an accident. In now should anyone feel, less quality of a living breathing human being after an accident an neglect themselves, do not do that.

Ephesians 6;18; Constant prayer, With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To the end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones.

A healthy out

As I'm, almost certain everyone reading this has had, an out at some point in their life. Everyone has things that they do a lot of, that am out for them. Choose something healthy, do not choose something like alcohol, and choose bad choices, and consequences and lots of regrets. Here is where I would suggest looking God, for those who believe to lean on him, more and to care about have a good God to human relationship. Now with this being said (and I have done this, why I am saying it's not good) get drunk on God. This leads to oddness, I did this prior to my accident and was odd and I'm normal, and like being normal, but man, I have been out in left field sometimes. Walking, working out, reading, education, anything to better your future, for real, or even listening to music, really helps. Turn on music, you can relate to what they are singing about and or turn on chill music, only to listen to nothing more. This really happens to be all good healthy out options! I also am a big believer in human animal bond, and human to animal connection I feel that is huge! What I mean by do not get drunk on God, means praying and prayer, ask Jesus to be with you every morning and walk with you and talk to him throughout the day inside your mind, whenever you're struggling, or hurting, or worried. Jesus is the best company one could ask for; I finally felt accepted by him here recently because for so long, I prayed and talked only to God. Jesus had to be up there thinking goodness gracious Kyle what I am chopped liver after all I sacrificed for you. I have been making a real effort on praying and talking to Jesus and spending time with Jesus and praying to saints again, no not worshipping. Also pray to Mary, and I apologize for sins against her, as well as sins against God with cussing. Here lately reading the Bible, not so much on cussing, but taking the Lord's name in vain, which its easy to do by accident. But that is not a good thing to do, that a heavier sin that what I originally thought it to be. Reading the Bible has opened my eyes to many sins, even days I feel I do not sin, in nightly self-reflection prayers and meditation it dawns on me all ways that things could pan out to be a sin.

Colossians 1;4-5 Thanksgiving, for we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love that you have for all the holy ones because of the hope reserved for you in heaven. Of this you have already heard through word of truth, the gospel.

Moderation

As with anything, there is such a thing as too much. Now when its beneficial, good stuff, well then that's good. But when it comes to things like grief, alcohol, eating, depression, thinking what people are thinking. Do not fall victim to what I did for years, after my accident I felt like if people did not feel a certain way about me then they must feel the complete opposite. This was mental torment, and torture, and strictly not the case at all, but this happened to be when my inner critic, would attack viciously and fiercely, and made me feel horrible inside. Because it felt as if, wait they don't even necessarily know the real me, or me at all or they are probably not even thinking of me at all, or they've not thought of me at all since a certain time. The only reason I felt as if they were now, was due to feeling like my life, was falling apart and I felt as if the only thing that would make any sense would be if they were behind stuff. But I have found moderation is a great thing, even when going all out giving your all your all. For instance, lets say you're a racehorse, and you're going along steady, at steady pace, using moderation to prevent, from burning out of steam, because you know you'll need that little extra surge, on the back stretch. When recovering, what you eat if fuel for the body, therefore when I was in personal trim modes, in personal workouts, I ate differently than did when was in strength. But really the biggest difference, happened to be using whey protein, as well some of the medication I was on at the time were the biggest difference, the medication and really whole state of my head, and world that time period are best forgotten. But in strength training focused on getting as strong as possible, I prefer to trim workout. Moderation is a friend and good to use in stuff. As far as recovery, give moderation on time off and on that's what I found to help lots, with ample time on, ample time off.

2 Timothy 3; 14-17 Warning against useless Disputes, Remind people of these things and charge them before God to stop disputing with words. This serves no useful purpose since it harms those who listen. Be eager to present yourself as acceptable to God, a workman who causes no disgrace, imparting the word of truth without deviation. Avoid profane, idle talk, for such people will become more and more godless.

Thinking other thought worst of me

This was such a brutal battle for oh so long. This was a toxic, brutal and hellish feeling felt for to long after my accident. You want to talk about gut wrenching, be all you really are and man, you happen to be and recover, the human body and mind as I have and thinking people, are looking for reasons to look at me poorly was causing anger. Which when felt anger, triggered the delusional thoughts about people from schools or unproud phases, of my life being around which then would in turn cause, more problems, and more anger, more suffering. Also to think people thought the absolute worst of me, despite all the good put out in front of them, felt as if they only wanted and chose to see the bad. See i look at life like a spaghetti strainer, you dump the noodles, with water in the water runs through the bottom letting go, of the water, that like the bad in life and in people and hang onto the solid the wholesome part, that's important. But I felt for years, all people saw were my injuries not me overcoming stuff, or being successful. It felt as if people feel as if success stops, at time of an accident, you can still be successful even with those injuries even while recovering. I feel honestly, which I cover in my book a drastic need for a change in way people view people after an accident. Look at an accident as new opportunity, to continue being successful, God didn't save you to not be productive, he saved you to flourish and be productive, as well as that is why all the people that helped you recover did so at the level of quality, they are capable of. I will be honest until ibogaine, but I'm still a little gun shy, whenever anyone says anything my mind at times will pop in five different ways it could be meant or something negatively directed at me inferred in the comment somewhere. However, that did get better still a battle I still do lots of self-reassurance on things like that, prayer and self-reassurance and Gods arms wrapped around me have been the times I have gotten through much of this recovery and spinal cord injury life and brain injury life.

James 1;12 Temptation, Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him.

Anger, dealing with anger

Well, as I stated anyone, who has had any, extensive counseling knows, and happens to be aware, that anger is a secondary emotion, of something much larger at root. The root derivative, of most all my anger, comes from hurt, and lots of pain. Usually mad, about something, I've either seen it before and it hurt me, or seen in different aspect, and good happen to me that the good wasn't happening at the moment. This would therefore, make me leer delusional to thinking, there is no way life can be going this upside down at the moment, besides someone has to be behind stuff. Also, did that when things were not adding up that used to, would think a person was either trying to make things a lie, or trying to make things completely fake, or prevent life, from happening all together. I would say the cause of most all my anger is pain, hurt, misery and depression, that I have overcome and extremely, cheerful to be around again. There have been many times throughout my accident, where it could have been really easy to of not smiled. But putting a smile, on my face and forcing ahead is a must, my smile went away for a long time, due to my anger caused by hurt and pain and misery and suffering. My anger came from not controlling my delusions as well. Being honest folks, straightforward and honest my stuff can be really beneficial to people, and straightforward I for sure get from my mom LaRee.

James 2;19-23; Doers of the world, Know this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God. Therefore, put away all filth and evil excess and humbly welcome the word that has been planted in you and is able to save your souls. Be doers of the word and not hearers only, deluding yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his own face in the mirror.

Judgement

It kind of goes without being said, more judgement goes with being injured, and going through recovery. There are times, people all I can say turn off those ears, to taking anything to heart, still listen and be part, of the conversations, but causally listen and don't take to heart what some may say. Accidents don't make anyone less of a person or mean less, but many people feel as if they are more eligible to be judgmental of you because of an accident. I literally have, been hung up on when a person found out of my accident, trust me it says nothing about me, mind you I know not taking that to heart, and personal is hard, but I cannot let things like that weigh on me. I am strong, I have heard lots worse than what was being inferentially said there. Also heard, things about cripples before, one I am no cripple, and that is a horrible term, I feel like a term best used for an excuse for not living life. Dealt with lots of yeah cool you fly; no, I'm saying I'm a private pilot who happens to be working on building time and hours to go commercial but, at the moment struggling to get medical would tell some people. The hardest part, about accepting the medical thing, wasn't going to get medical back, was in large of it being due to being on medication, I was on because I was dealing with feelings like this. Had to ride on coat tails, of previous accomplishments before, I could make a way to be in more positions like that and did as such. Feeling judged and feeling like your life, your body, basically everything is up for others to make comments, about or to ridicule about being a cripple, man after an accident that one cuts a little deep, man that's below the belt. You have to take those punches, in stride and remain prideful, in who you are. Also be proud of all addictions overcome, anytime crawl out of depression, or anytime on rock-bottom gut-wrenching, hurts to swallow pit of stomach because that depressed, and airs tasteless, and bland and air hitting your face is stale. If you are still getting up pushing onwards, congrats to you and pat yourself on the back to anyone after an accident, who has made even small steps in gaining their life back pat yourself on the back. Now with this being said, I'm not from the participation trophy, way of thinking I believe celebrate the things that really matter, the big stuff the major successes, along the way. But know at the end of the day the only judgement, that really matters are those who are around you and you working around.

Luke 7;37-42: Judging others Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you. And he told them a parable, "Can a blind person guide a blind person? will not both fall into a pit? No disciple is superior to the teacher; but when fully trained, every disciple will be like his teacher. Why do you notice the splinter in your brothers eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own? How can you say to your brother, "Brother, let me remove that splinter in your eye, when you do not even notice the wooden beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! Remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brothers eye.

Mood swings/especially due to pain

Mood swings, are something I have dealt with a lot of since my accident. I mean i can be relaxed, then this sharp shooting pain, hit my back or certain part of my body and puts me in an uncomfortable mood, (if that makes sense). There are comfortable times, of day and times of night where my moods, are much more even keeled, yes, I am on Depakote for mood swings, and the doctors have taken into consideration all the things, I am and have dealt with that way they are not slapping Bi-Polar on anything. Also, with the level and intensity I feel pain, they consider as well as how some things, have been for me since my accident. But I will admit my moods, when hurting and whenever in emotional as well, as physical pain, can change a little quickly and I don't mean for them to, but I control that. I sometime have days, where I am not in lots of pain, but cannot get comfortable. This does not prevent me from doing anything, however, makes things really obnoxious. Lots of this happens when there are five different thoughts a person could be thinking go through my mind then hit my mind and make me angry automatically guessing they are thinking the worse. I automatically assumed people were thinking the worse as well as not see current here and now. Mood swings are annoying and miserable to live with at times, because it is just like I want to be chill and not on edge. Also, with mood swings effect energy levels as well, sometimes they can cause extreme tiredness from fighting the mood swings, or at other times wound up. But overall I stay in a wound-up state.

James 3 ;1-2 Power of the tongue, Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you realize that we will be judged more strictly, for we all fall short in many respects. If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body also.

Do not overgeneralize

There are good, and bad in everything, and with, everything and everyone ,(truth be told), but the goal in life is to ride and magnify the good. The bad is meant to be corrected, or disciplined including self-discipline, a bright future and good paths start, with self-discipline. There have been many times throughout recovery, where I needed to have come to Jesus meetings with me on somethings, whether they be at one time drinking and weight, or whether be at another time was shopping too much. Do not torture with discipline though, I have done this said alright Kyle, you did this now I'm going to go overboard with this way as I did on some things like weight at one time. But do not over generalize with saying all those people, or all people like this or that, or all people who do this, this happens to be what small minds, do that way they can wrap their minds around stuff, and people maybe being more than they've seen or being coming from an entirely different background, all together. Do not say people from this town are all bad, or people from that town are all good or vice versa. Do not do to yourself, overgeneralizing often leads to rushing to assumptions which everyone knows what assumptions gets you!

1 Peter 4;8-9 Christian conduct, Finally , all of you be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble. Do not return to evil for evil, or insult for insult; but, on the contrary, a blessing, because to this you were called, that you might inherit a blessing.

Routines

I've found that getting into routine of doing things help, this helps create muscle memory, which I'm certain any reading who is a fellow team roper knows about. Or anyone from any athletic background. The mind is also muscle that needs worked, and throughout therapy, found that routines of brain exercises inside my mind really helped recover from my brain injury as well. As far as routines go, I certainly had one for recovering and physical workouts. I also had a routine and structure for how that week was supposed to go. Routines, also help stay on track for what I need to get done and what I needed to get done after my accident in recovery. Every physical therapy session had routines and constant routines for a while that did not vary. Personal training routines varied more than my physical therapy exercises did, however, many thanks to Hayden's creativity at the time with some exercises like pulling sled to me laying on my back, with weight on sled to simulate climbing a rope since gym did not have climbing rope. I did this for cardio, also did boxing as part of cardio after a spinal cord injury. But each day, I would have the daily routine planned with my mom, before gaining independence back and before going to therapies on my own. Which had routines later part to, now with that being said, speaking of later parts, most my routines were meeting therapist at place in public to go walking and to walk miles or to work on form walking or curb work or stairs. I would also like to change up places of meeting therapist as well, and keep scenery fresh and good for the mind and mental state that way as well. Structure and routine I found good in therapy as well, do not throw that out the window after an accident and let depression and misery get to you to where you get depressed, fall out of routine. Then you start going through the motions, stale air hitting face, air tasteless, body feels heavy from depression. Keep your routines fresh, don't let them get so overly repetitive, that you need a break, because you are getting burnt out. Do not be afraid to push your limits, or boundaries but keep all of that between you and your therapist and doctors. Anyone who has reached out to me, from any injury groups on Facebook. I will tell them, what I did to get to where I'm at and what my therapist and trainers had me doing. When some people get passed a certain point, they cannot find physical therapy. That is why I listed exercises that really help, with these injuries on my website as well as in my book and explain in depth in my book. But these routines, are things that I talk about I did.

Revelation 3; 1-4; Vision of Heavenly Worship, After this I had a vision of an open door to heaven, and I heard the trumpetlike voice that had spoken to me before, saying, " Come up here and will show you what must happen afterwards." At once I was caught in spirit. A throne was there in heaven, and on the throne sat one whose appearance sparkled like jasper and carnelian. Around the throne was a halo as brilliant as an emerald. Surrounding the throne I saw twenty-four other thrones on which twenty-four elders sat, dressed in white garments and with gold crowns on their heads.

Medical scares

Well, to say the least my accident, and all my injuries were enough to scare me to death and scare, everything holy out of me. But many thanks to many great therapists, as well as many great doctors I am here today and been doing all I have really been doing. However, after my accident, while I was still out of it, I went through a total of three back surgery's. Alright three back surgery within a month, I figured alright that's it for the back surgery, won't cross that bridge again, no need to. Boy, was I wrong about that, had a massive scare, but let me back up. 2020, I downloaded under armor MapMyWalk app, on my phone, I started pushing the mile time, and I started bumping the distance up, eventually was walking six miles at once. Well due to my wonderful spinal cord injury, (which thanks to ibogaine has brought more feeling back), have lack of feeling in some areas below spot of injury on me that's lower back. Alright so the drop foot brace, back then went on my outside of my foot and was cutting into back outside rear heal, I couldn't feel it until had a stage three pressure ulcer, on it and was hospitalized, because immediately after biopsy results came back, when they got the results back one option of things could be a tumor. They also checked out around my heart, because they were scared my heart got infected. I had to have a PIC line, placed in my right bicep ran through blood veins, and emptied out into my chest, around my heart for 8 weeks had that. Antibiotics went in by syringe in PIC line, three times a day including middle of night one of them. At the biopsy, I was lying flat on my front listening to clips, taking out of my spine was an awkward feeling, but was relived to get the results and recovery process underway, from that and that was a staph infection, that came in through the pressure ulcer, on my foot causing the pain, and horrid misery. I couldn't even lay in one position in bed at night longer, than ten minutes without switching positions and rotating to get comfortable. But after biopsy, I was really glad to be out of the extreme pain, after surgery took place a little over a week later.

Psalm 93;1; God is a mighty king, The Lord is king, robed with majesty the Lord is robed, girded with might. The world will surely stand in place never to be moved.

My drive, how kept driven

I've been asked before, how did I stay driven, especially with everything being 10 times harder, after a spinal cord injury. It is pretty simple people, one I did not like the options of not recovering and living injured life, two I was fearful of living off a system, and I worked really hard to put myself in a position to not have to rely on that, and the main reason was I was living successful in anything cared about prior, I wasn't going to let a lousy accident take my quality of life longer than already did. That was completely unnecessary, more people thought about through times of physical and emotional discomfort, or mental discomfort, even though times of lots of pain. Was listen there are American troops, who have been overseas shot at, next to their brothers and sisters and animals, they work not knowing if any will make it back home, and they still get up and get after it overseas for my freedom. It would be pretty pathetic on my end, to complain of any pain or discomfort and not go to therapy and take advantage of recovering. Or my dad working the iron with his neck brace on, and all the hurt and coldness felt through that time, I also felt like I would be looked at oddly and I couldn't bring myself to complain of pain to my dad who I saw drop a Lincoln pipeliner welder on his foot broke his big toe, literally was completely swollen and bloody but all he said was time being was GD word and then lifted the hitch if the welder trailer off his foot. Or complain to my mom about any pain, because I have seen my mom in much pain. There are higher pain days than others, but cannot loose drive those days, have to stay driven through the pain and use the pain as fuel to fuel you to go harder, more intense, stronger, faster, more reps, I found this to be extremely beneficial. You know, yes, I lost my dad that hurt yes, and that part of life cycle. But the timing and manner of things were rough, and what happened after for a while before rising through everything but anytime felt like I couldn't go on or things were too much on me or my mom. I would make myself think of all the family's that have a loved one loved father or mother coming back from overseas and the hurt they must feel especially when they died for all Americans freedoms. Therefore, I should be strong, pick myself up anytime start going down a feeling sorry for myself road or feeling how hard things have been. Life's all about perspective and that often shifts throughout time and from different viewpoints. More of all of these sections get dived deeper into in my book, which happens to at editor now. But there's a lot to my accident recovery lots of life lived. Also I stayed driven because I know how brutal the consequences of regret are!

Psalms 102;2-3; Prayer in time of distress, Lord, hear my prayer; let my cry come to you. Do not hide your face from me now that I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly.

Feelings of left out after an accident

These are unneeded feelings, i felt left out from the two things love flying and team roping and rodeo. I felt left out by those crowds, crowds of people i used to be a successful person even. Felt left out by almost all people my age for some years, until a girlfriend came in the mix around my age, the rest were all older i was going out with or a couple years younger no big deals. But it was hard to find people within 14 years of my age older and 7 years younger to be around, much hardships were caused by isolation, but no need to feel left out. You are recovering, your then everything is to get recovered, you have to take on physical therapy and occupational therapy on as a job and that's your then duty's. Also do not allow, those whom were nowhere near your life through certain years or those times, tell you who you are. I battled all of this after my accident, I felt like people from unproud phases of my life entered and were tampering with things making my current life hell. These feelings, caused me much chaos and misery I'm not wanting anyone else suffering from after an accident or after suffering from any of these things. Also with sobriety, comes a smaller circle! Also no falling victim to your own mind because of these thoughts, like I did please no one make my mistakes, they are painful. I felt like a certain year hit an someone attached themselves to my life like a blood sucking leech and take all good inside out of me and drained me of everything had good inside and out for years until took back my life with ibogaine, sobriety and counseling. Also, counseling does not make you weak or crazy, not getting counseling makes you weak or crazy when or if you need it. It can be very beneficial and has helped me immensely. Also, a good one, good counselor can make all the difference and one I finally found I meshed with has been huge for helping me with my mental health. Which book number 2 will be about my mental health journey and this ride, also met with editor today as of today my book number one happens to be at the editor and I could not be more excited.

Psalm 104;1-2; Praise of God the creator; Bless the Lord, my soul! Lord, my God, you are great indeed! You clothed with majesty and glory, robed in light as with cloak. You spread out the heavens like a tent; you raised your palace upon the waters

Self-talk

Watch the way you talk to yourself, especially in delicate situations, now when i was team roping or rodeoing or flying and made a slight mistake. I would tell myself to drag my head out of my ass and think, use the good skills I really have and don't be an idiot and make stupid mistakes. Now I did not talk to myself like that all the time would talk myself up to what I accomplished. But after an accident, it feels like you have to ride the coat tails of your former successes for a while before starting to have furthered success. But there were sometimes throughout therapy, I would have a come to Jesus' meeting with myself about what needed to push through and get through and progress through. Many times, I said i can do it, i will do it, you have it in you Kyle, don't let yourself down, nor your parents or God by not pushing on full throttle. But the way, you talk and think of yourself is sadly what you become. Stand your ground, plant your feet deep in the dirt and plant roots deep, therefore you stand strong in your beliefs and work ethic for getting your life back!

Proverbs 1;8-11 The path of the wicked, greed and violence; Hear, my son, your fathers instruction, and reject not your mothers teaching; A graceful diadem will they be for your head; a torque for your neck. My son, should sinners entice you, and say, "Come along with us! Let us lie in wait for the honest man, let us, unprovoked, set a trap for the innocent.

Delusions

Do not face getting delusional after an accident, or any for that sake. Do not, when things are not making any sense at all start putting things together that don't need to go together. Somethings are too rare and all too real timing to seem like a coincidence, but coincidences do occur. Do not borrow trouble, for one I went through a delusional phase of feeling like people wanted to torture me as an experiment and things got so big and huge and large scale that there were actors and actresses as well as musicians messing with my life. Now, this was straight out delusional, but a really real thought had at the time, also was delusional for a while about people from unproud phases of my life from high school and college were around my life trying to make things like back then. People I freaking hated myself through those years, I worked hard to get back to my natural self that was long taken at the transfer midst of 8th grade year. But this was straight delusional, they were not in my life, I knew the whole time they had to be busy with their own lives why do they want to make me so miserable? Common asked question, I often asked myself, why do they want me this miserable asked myself often before coming to the realization after ibogaine, sobriety and my new counselor Elizabeth that all that was delusional, and I can have a bright successful life. Also, ibogaine helped me understand no one was out to destroy my life besides Satan. He is the only one, feeling as if people were holding onto thing I said when I was drunk and lying about or lying about, were being held against me and my future as well. This was also a delusion I battled for years and years, also battled feelings of constantly being observed and watched at certain times, this made life a complete and all out hell for years. Thanks to life changing ibogaine, sobriety, new counselor for this mega change back. Delusions went as far as I literally thought for a while that things would change middle of conversation based on what I would say causing people to look off in a corner of a direction and behind every corner of directions northeast, southeast, northwest, northeast were all groups of people I not knowing who and they were all thinking certain stuff about me. I even last year before ibogaine had a chance to kick in and work its course in my system thought the state of Kansas was against me, I cannot say enough good about ibogaine, sobriety along new counselor. Delusions drew me off the deep end for a while, before resurfacing before drowning. Delusions drew me apart away from my life, my mom, myself for some time facing delusions before overcoming that. I had delusional disorder for a while; I overcame that as well.

Proverbs 2 ;1-4; The blessings of wisdom, My son, if you receive my words and treasure my commands. Turning your ear to wisdom, inclining your heart to understanding; Yes, if you call to intelligence, and to understanding raise your voice; If you seek her like silver, and like hidden treasures search her out.

People do not see you, as your deepest insecure inner critic does.

I believe it is really common human nature, to basically rush to assumptions that people are seeing us as our inner critic likes to sometimes tell us whenever walking into a room, or at other times. Clear your mind from all of that, that is your mind starting to play tricks on you and make you believe the worse. Sometimes our own minds can be the biggest torturing device, sometimes my own mind has tortured me right out of opportunity's and new stuff. I would not step foot outside for fear of my deepest inner critic and the monstrous image I used to have painted of myself until I put the bottle down and took control back in my life and took control over my thoughts again. For fear of people seeing me, for the worst times, and seeing the worse in me was something I have battled for years. It was behavior like drinking, and prescription pills, as well as anytime let my depression take over that made me think of my worst image and people seeing me like that. This took years, and lots of mental work and lots of homework in counseling and psychiatry to not believe. The counselor I have now, i cannot begin to say enough she is for certain doing her calling in life. My inner critic for example, people can tell me I am looking good before going out and also be dressed up nice as well. I will hear all the good, but then my inner critic kicks in and tells me something. But, then that falls on my responsibility to override those unwanted thoughts and feelings for my own sanity and happiness and wellbeing honestly. Do not let your inner critic play tricks on your mind. I learned about this more in a book reading, but I always battled that. I have different ones for different stuff, mine for overall as a person being graded on feel like its a former friend from middle school telling me I am not enough, no one wants me, no one wants anything to do with me, they see me at my worse (none of things he said but that how inner critic works, his attitude fit to be a critic hitting all my insecurities), mine for flying and team roping were always someone way over me, I felt like was looking down on me telling me I wouldn't ever make it. Now, no one was saying that but inside my mind I was battling that. now this one bothers me the most now, and it is one for my motivational stuff, picture him being a crotchety, and cranky old man who is not up on anything up to date and doesn't see anything good in anything I am doing. This has been something I have battled for years, I am glad to be reading a book talking about it. But to be honest with y'all my biggest inner critic now is my dad, not in bad way but it does leave a hole in me to fill sometimes when feel like let my dad down or was letting my dad down with certain stuff, or certain years. But Jesus, leads me and gives me strength at any given time, praise God!

Proverbs 3;1-2, Attitude toward the Lord; My son, forget not my teaching keep in mind my commands; For many days, and years of life, and peace, will they bring you.

Why weight is such a pet peeve of mine, I watch closely.

Well, for one I certainly do not like to be over a certain size. I really do not like to be over 210 at the very heaviest and like my looks 205 and under. But many times, have been way over 210, why this is such a pet peeve of mine. Happens to be all the things that would have been different, in a really good way if I not been heavier at the time. Not to mention, I naturally feel better, physically, mentally and also somewhat emotionally under a certain size. There is a direct connection, between weight and mental health I am living proof of that as well. I'm 187.6 pounds now, comfortable size for me, physically, mentally and emotionally. However, I am going to do trim workouts and trim up a little more. I watch closely, because many times years past would have been completely different and way people from certain year see me, would be a lot different. Things in school would have been different, things socially would have been different, basically certain phases were burnt up years in certain aspects due to weight and what I required of myself. I was disgusted with myself at larger phases. Also, having to remind myself that new people do not and are not seeing me as old phases used to be something I had to work hard to break, now I do not struggle with that as much. I will openly admit, I think people tend to think the worse. Even when I do good, there's good out in front, I believe they think of certain stuff or things like that which alters how people are seeing me. I know these are and were delusions now, but at one time this was an extremely heavy and hard battled delusion. I will be honest; under a certain size I like myself. But over a certain size, not so much and happen to struggle emotionally and mentally a lot more whenever at larger sizes. I have found, those two directly connect, which all probably already know. when over a certain size anxiety is worse, depression is worse, and unwanted thoughts are worse. I have also found over a certain weight/size that my self-esteem was much lower. I found and find lots of good stuff in maintaining and being a healthy weight and size or less, especially when I saw the negative effects of weight.

Psalm 23;13; The Lord Shepherd and Host; The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I lack. In green pastures you let me graze, to safe waters you lead me; you restore my strength. You guide me along the right path for the sake of your name.

Erratic behavior is uncalled for

Now mind you, after some of these injury's everyone gets effected differently. But mind you, don't let that be an easy out for acting like an ass out in public. I personally know, because truth be told people I will be honest I have acted like a complete horse's ass out in public after my accident at times. Yes, the overbearing and overwhelming feelings of many of what turned out to be delusions or anger from past hurt were causing outburst. I've completely embarrassed myself with immaturity due to erratic behavior, also no one wants to be around erratic behavior. I did not even want to be around myself through those times, because I didn't know what would "trigger" me into going off. So much thanks to ibogaine, God knows without the ibogaine treatment my life would not be where I'm at now who know if I would even be alive honestly people. That is how bad things were, I was at a point in depression I freaking hated everything drank everything in sight to help numb pin, and honestly most the time when drank until couldn't see until was blackout with hopes of not waking up the next morning many mornings. This was freaking stupid; one life is worth living two I was being extremely immature and three was letting alcohol have control over my life for four I was not taking control of my life I was blundering along pissed off at myself and circumstance I felt like somehow had landed myself in. My drinking landed me in the ER one night with alcohol poising as well as many regretful times, also has left me with elevated liver enzymes before. My drinking was erratic behavior I used as a piss poor coping mechanism for pain.

Ezekiel 13;18, Against Sorceresses, Woe to those who sew bands for everyone's wrists and make veils for every size of head so as to entrap their owners. Do not think to entrap the lives of my people, yet keep yourselves alive?

How to wake up every morning of accident recovery

How I personally like to wake up, humble, grateful and kind. Good way to kick start each morning, and to provide for a further progressed day that day, with gaining further gaining in therapy whether they be physical or mental. Keep a log of your accomplishments throughout the way, celebrate the big stuff, try not making big deals over little stuff. Try focusing and riding on the highs, riding on the good stuff and pushing for more. I feel people often after a brain injury we get locked in a box, because certain people who think we can only accomplish and tiny little successes that personally I wouldn't even classify success. They like to try sectioning off, and it is an easy way out on their end, also says a lot their ego problem if they have a problem being outsmarted by a brain injured person. I will use that Danielle as a prime example every time, but as I continue to write about brain injury's. Yes, they can be a bear at times effects eyesight to where have to roll eyes over to the right or left to help blurred eye sight at times after a brain injury, but that's all healed now. Brain injury, can also have you believing people are around your life who are not, because they can lead to more paranoia, and feeling paranoid about things. Brain injury's, can lead a person more superable to things like ADHD, or things like that if you did not already suffer from things like that. But after a brain injury, really make everything hard to even label besides brain injury, and until years out or reversed cannot see from this standpoint. People who are not out of depression, or are not over that deep inside what ends up on my end being self pity when said there is no point in trying, that's was a self pity trap I made for myself, as a safety nest for not climbing out of depression. But unless you are willing to put in the work with your counselors to get out of depression, you will not understand this. People with anxiety, you are a true warrior (because anxiety's a bastard) who have faced anxiety and overcome it and work hard on not letting what makes you anxious define you, and grind on I commend you. That is not easy, but people that don't understand overcoming anxiety will not understand this. People, who have not wanted to put the bottle down and choose a better life, will not understand this. Anyone who, doesn't get sacrifices and dedication to get places in life, will not get my stuff. Spinal cord injury and brain injury people certainly can gain from my stuff, but I will be honest depends on brain injured person. Some people do not want healed. To the people who are struggling with delusions, some of you I can help lots by pointing out facts to help you realize good stuff and no delusions but some of you who will not corporate with counselors or get help or come to the realization, there really straight out wont be much I will be able to help with. In no way, look at my page as I'm telling anyone how to live their lives, I'm only saying what I did to crawl out of the hole I was in and all the recovery, I personally have made. People that are not ready to reconnect back to their natural selves and ditch all the non sense of not good years, will not get this either. Stay strong y'all, stay grateful, humble and kind. But remain driven and focused. For people who are struggling with the up's and down's and hardships along the way throughout recovery or any aspect, remember the mind is a powerful thing. The mind can be detrimental when turned on itself, from a psychological standpoint this is scary and not good. For those who believe in God, know this is Satan attacking, and God is with you. For those who do not believe know that its your mind messing with you, playing tricks on you and trying to turn against you, don't let your mind do that. Also, after my brain injury I am grateful my parents were hard on me about the way I spoke, language I used, and grammar when I wrote something. Also when I say my parents were hard on me, they weren't ever saying you cannot do this or wont do this, but they certainly made certain I knew what I was going to need to do to do those things. But they were not ever name calling me, or disrespecting me, or telling me I cannot or will not do something, or go somewhere in life. But I was disciplined after my brain injury, as was as young child obviously, not spanked but was grabbed at one point by my dad, when I was misbehaving or not using good judgement and at times when my dad would grab me by the arm, or shirt collar was all that took to get scared straight, then later on the message would sink in after my WTF was that about left, needless to say, the WTF behavior many times was on my part. Yes, me and my dad fought especially through my late teens and early twenty's, but always made up at the end of the fight and called a truce. My dad, was without the toughest and strongest man I have met in person, but for certain respected him and did fear him and his temper, and do not ever lie to my dad because he will make you pay, he happened to be the sharpest shooter to liar in argument, he would grill your ass and have again twice over seriously, he was vicious towards liars, and typically didn't let them live it down. My parents did a great job, when I was a young child depicting liars, thief's, and criminals in general and they provided lots of discipline anytime I strayed down, or showed behavior of one those. Yes, there were some nights I passed out at the barn after getting home, from a team roping and putting horses up and started drinking until passed out, woke up to being sprayed and chased out of the barn with a garden hose. After my drinking got to a certain point, my parent did great about showing me all the dysfunctional people because of alcohol and family's because of alcohol and what alcohol has done to their family's mine included. Trust me, their were times growing up my dad would ask me if I got a certain chore done. Sometimes i would fib and be like yeah, yeah, uh yes my dad did not take lightly to that, oh no (I am really glad he did not because he made me honest and built me strong and honest and tough)my dad would go check. I'm surprised at times they couldn't hear my dad scream yelling at me from a county over, but they didn't how I wont ever know. But my hind end hurts from those times, that belt with the hand of big Mike and also stern discipline of 5'2 mom with a fierce temper made me who I am today, and built me honest, respectful, take pride in what I do, care about others, care about success. I for all intensive purposes have to go on how my dad was constantly prior to 2020, he completely flipped late 2020, I believe he was fighting this sickness for along time, he did not feel good for years prior, but did not go to doctor except for his blood pressure medication. Beside that you would not see my dad near a hospital or doctors office. There were also many times, I would come home and try sneaking in or come in and be as loud as possible and my dad would greet me, or he would wake me up extremely early before I was to leave unless I was working early getting up at 4am my dad would come rip the covers off me. He would start yelling up and at em' he literally would yell until got things done or he got his point across and yelling he spoke extremely loud and stern and firm when he was angry. Anytime I would act out anywhere (I was an extremely well behaved kid honestly really) but my dad would have a come apart and say you have no right to over to their place and act like a Claude on the way home, he would also say your getting however many spankings on the way homes, he also told me they are probably looking at me, as a self entitled little spoiled brat. For a brief period late teens, when started getting a little wild and also getting a little disrespectful to my parents my dad threatened to send me to the military academy (which would've been awesome to of gone military and wished would've gone in and flew straight out of school) knowing that would take away from my team roping and rodeo I cared so much about. My dad swore to me that that would teach me respect and respect for others. I quickly snapped out of the only a phase, went through back then. Trust me people, many times in depression to grind on, when i fell in the self pity trap of saying there is not point of trying. Trust me my dad was right there with the how come and what for on why i should not trip on my bottom lip feeling sorry for myself. He would remind me of my blessings, sometimes i think he didn't think what i needed back all aspects was as important as was , but oh well, but he also taught me that's a self pity trap we fall in in depression, when my dad worked for IBP (Iowa beef packing) and was moved away living in Pasco, Washington team roping rodeoing lots, fishing on the Columbian lots, hunting some but mostly up there rodeoing and fishing especially on the Puget sound and Columbian river. My dad sunk into deep depression at one point back in the 1980's up in Washington state, but not like the time early 2000's loss of my grandparents business he ran when they sold out, my dad went with the company but much stress and unneeded throughout that time wore on my dad he didn't think he could live with himself not being able to provide for me and my mom. My dad was a great provider, for his many talents he also suffered from ADD, a little OCD and struggled with heavy depression at times, my dad also sometimes preferred to work on things at night when he was younger. My dad and mom, also almost had a cow, even with a traumatic brain injury shortly after on trauma floor at some of the behavior. That is not how I conduct myself, and certainly not how my parents raised me to behave, everyone knew that was my brain injury at the time, but that was hairy. My parents would normally of had my butt, twice over for some of things said on trauma floor. I literally have been slapped across the face by saying less disrespectful stuff to my dad. I for sure, had a blessed and great childhood I am glad my parents taught me respect, hard work, discipline and don't back down. Yes, took some getting slapped and spanked along the way, lots of getting grounded but I am pretty content in respect department for how turned out for my parents. It's the pain load factor my accident placed upon them that gets me.

The only way I was to be able to be transferred from the hospital to Ku inpatient, at time of my accident when I was out of it with my brain injury, was 1 if I ate, 2 if I worked with therapist. Which I did and worked hard with therapist. Do not do anything that will set you back in the long run after your accident. For me that was drinking.

Psalm 104;1-4; Praise of God the creator, Bless the Lord, my soul! Lord, my God, you are great indeed! You are clothed with majesty and glory, robed in light as with a cloak. You spread out the heavens like a tent; you raised your palace upon the waters. You make the clouds your chariot; you travel on the wings of the wind. You make the winds your messengers; flaming fire, your ministers.

My favorite classes and groups of people (saying due to all schools and majors)

Alrighty, my favorite class was Ag class through high school, along with my favorite group of people and sometimes the only group I liked much was Agriculture class. After high school, when I was a business major for a while human resource was, but my heart wasn't in class, and I didn't get to know anyone there. At Kansas State University, where I was an animal science major, my favorite group of people were animal science class and food science class. In food science, my closet friend at the time was in that class, who was also former military. He had been deployed, I would study food science with him in living room, and work on assignments together some. At night sometimes would hear stories of him being overseas, also favorite class was also one with another friend I met through school at the time, who was from Illinois, another one from Illinois. There were two, one was a closer friend than the other. Being around lots from western Kansas, or the flint hills were some of my favorite people as well, but I definitely had my own group at K-State, I hung out with all different groups of people not just one or two or three or four, lots of different people. Also had lots of childhood friends, at the time in Ag Econ. My closet friends at K-State were Skylar, Brett, Robert, Austin, were my closet friend at K-State. My closet friend in high school was an Alec, Justin, Cole, Matt, Kody, Ben, my closet friend in middle school, were a Justin, Patrick, Kelsey, Megan, Amanda, Brooks, Kyle, Brad, Kaitlyn, Hilary. Closet friends now, Jesus, my mom, Brad who I met in adult life and God. Two friends that cared the most about me a certain time was Brett, as well as Justin who really did care about me for certain times. Those two were the two that cared the most about me and cared about me when I was getting out of line being wild when I was younger. As well had lots of wild times with them, but they always knew when to back off, when I was riding the line. Skylar also cared about me, after hearing of my accident one night on the phone with him he was talking about how motivational would be and was really encouraging of me starting motivation. Really after my accident, only friend I have talked with about motivational stuff and them being really supportive was Skylar. Other people at K-State I was around some and liked being around some and rode horses with, was a Frank and a Julia, Frank was from Kansas but Julia was from east coast, also a Billie who rode with me to a rodeo in Oklahoma, with her horse. All of the people I was close to and drawn to have strong personality's. Also, these people are types to be honest with me, when are overweight and look bad, but also when I am under a certain size and look good. These people, are all honest with me like that, can rely on what they tell me or did. You know y'all, my depression started heavy in Manhattan at K-State, and I really appreciate what my friend at the time used to do and have another friend call me whenever he saw me slipping into depression. That was Justin who did that at K-State who had Patrick call me, even though hadn't been close to Patrick for years prior, I really appreciate Justin seeing my struggles. Another friend at the time who was really good to hang out with and talk with was a Nate. I will say, that Justin is a lot of things and hard to handle at times, and for some. But as far as good quality friend to have, he is one of the better qualities to have, he's a top-notch friend was, not been friends for years, but he was a top-notch friend. As well as some others, but he also was always honest with me on how treated people as well if ever got out of control. I complained of Justin lots in times of him being hard to handle at times, but after the dust clears, he's one of the better friends to have, and no doubt he's raising a great family now.

Psalm 106;6-9 We have sinned like our ancestors; we have done wrong and we are guilty. Our ancestors in Egypt did not attend to your wonders. They did not remember your great love; they defied the Most High at the Red Sea. Yet he saved them for his names sake to make his power known. He roared at the Red Sea and it dried up, He led them through the deep as through a desert.

True to inner self, in times of chaos

This may, seem farfetched or like I worded this to sound a lot more treacherous than happens to be. But keep in mind people, when I was on rock bottom, sinking myself lower with no one around and left to my own devices to numb the emotional and mental pain at the time being. I know what it feels like to be driven right to the line, of what feels like busting at the seams, breaking apart, because already dead inside and out. People do not do this to yourself, when chaos hits and its one thing after another and it's all you can do to breath, don't drown. Don't have self-pity party's either, yes, it's alright to have a pity party feel sorry get it out move on. But you cannot keep carrying around pity from an accident or anything bad happening. Life happens to us all, humans part of being human is no one is immune to life's challenges or hardships at times. Do not give in to old bad habits, I know because I gave in too many times to old ways and old toxic ins, and that is not the way out nor the way to success or a happy life. Have to remain clear minded. Also to remember who you are, what you have accomplished, that God saved you to better your life and live up fully not fall back on old mistakes, I remember that God saved me for a better life, a life which may not be flying airplanes the original career goal as corporate pilot i was working on as a private pilot. But due to being out on medical, only flying I will do is for entertainment and showing can still fly after my accident recovery. But my life now is meant to help others personally, from lots of life I have really lived through many trials and errors throughout time. Team roping and rodeoing, is out of the question again after my accident recovery, especially with risk factor of all my hard work to be doing what doing now going out window in a split second, there is a fine line between pride and stupidity choose wisely! Ignorance is not knowing any better, or knowing what lays ahead, stupidity is knowing and taking the gamble. I am in a different position since, my spinal cord injury was an incomplete spinal tear. Therefore, I walk and things normally with cane, have normal routine with stuff no spinal cord injury stuff, therefore my chances of an accident in rodeoing again would be extremely high to be from walking to not walking at all. More often than not in my life, people I will be blunt and brutally honest some of my own dumbass choices sunk me deeper into depression, deeper in anxiety and deeper into suffering instead of living life happy and t the fullest and normal. I did that prior to my accident with stuff, did that all throughout school, but the most expensive and costly and most regretted on was the K-State university time, I suffered from depression which caused to more drinking and isolating drinking before going out socially. I lost my natural self for years, I came out of the womb talking to everyone smiling, happy, naturally caring about appearances of things. But I am saying do not loose who you are for to long you do not get the real you back, also do not loose yourself in the chaos. I know when things feel chaotic and you feel like running up, the wall, things can be hard and turmoil to handle and get through. But also stay true to your inner self, don't short your inner self. I was failing life away at Manhattan, Ks at K-State University, those were not my proud, nor my most talked about days. Coming home from that college, attending the one I graduated from I really focused on getting my life together and year one didn't drink at all. I at sometimes probably came across as spoiled, I was spoiled, but I fought my share of battles and hardships this whole time and have not been spoiled the whole time. At K-State I was burning a hole in my parent's pocket, running up bar tabs and liquor store bills, what wasn't going there was going to team roping. I focused on making my life mean something and not be wasting a hole in Gods time! Running on God's time, and many spared my life at times, I naturally feel the need to not let him down in any way and live life up best quality, full aspects. Throughout doing so, I am going to help other out with my past experiences, my book goes to the editor on Wednesday.

Hosea 5;1; Guilt of the leaders, Hear this, O priests, Pay attention, O house of Israel. O household of the king, give ear! It is you who are called to judgement/ For you have become a snare at Mizpah, and a net spread upon Tabor.

Staying Current, being in the moment!

After an accident, for one there are plenty of things to already worry about, do not get overloaded with looking in the rearview at past regrets or past mistakes. Also do not allow them to make you be saying things you don't mean throughout that time. Yes, that was something my brain injury was telling me to do. My brain injury battles have been hard at time, but still really normal. But after my accident, when I was struggling with brain injury stuff as well as spinal cord injury stuff. Let me tell y'all made me really wish my accident did not happen and I was in Texas. Also, do not let your brain injury and a tad bit of creativity make you believe people from certain phases are in your life doing anything. This happens to be an ongoing battle for me, this happens to be one I feel like anyone who was in my life when I was larger capped me off as being larger pigeon holed me that way and tried to make that the case for other people as well, that was the only reason that was bothering me was feeling they were doing that to current and future people. As well, do not allow this to torture you and be emotional torment do not, that leads nowhere quick in a real fast hurry. This leads to a whole new level of depression, this will lead you down a very, very dark I mean dark road. Do not go down that road, goes nowhere well. Also, for the love of goodness stay current, do not be living years back and keep things current with people, I felt like I fell back into toxicity for me personal speaking, by being around some. But do not be your own worst enemy with that as well. That mean no trying to piece things together that do not piece together or things that do not either, this will drive you mad and miserable. Also stay current in life, bring forth my past successes and accomplishments and whatever people I may have wanted to of kept and moved on. High school and college groups of people are not my crowd anymore; I graduated in 2009 but really should have been 2010 from high school because my age. I graduated college in 2014 and haven't seen any of those people since. Yes, I was in college 5 years for 2 years degree, that was due to lots of immaturity at the time as well as drinking heavily (praise God I stopped drinking), and distractions to parties, rodeos, team roping's. In my motivation, I don't want anyone making my mistakes which I will cover in depth in my book. You know what I also cover in my book, is I care about wishing I would've worried more about making long lasting quality friendships, than where the next party was going to be at. I also talk about how I wish I would have focused more on grades. Also, I wish I did not burn up years, because those other years might as well have a lighter being held to of my life. Trust me they were also full of bad choices, and decisions and crowds I don't want to remember. Also, I am not proud of the bad choices I made, they cost me later in life. I am trying to help others avoid some of my mistakes, that can easily be avoided. Also do not ever shy away from being honest, the truth always comes out the truth always comes out. Also, I was at 4 universities actually, 3 only claim, but I used my transcript from the one community college Fort Scott which was a two-year degree with a 3.4 grade point average. Do not misled, be straightforward and out and out honest up front, my heart wasn't into getting a 4-year degree at the time and really wasn't it was in flying for the airlines or corporate, which required a minimum of associates degree 2-year degree. Also, I only claim some because I was not in my right mental state to be quite honest for some colleges. I was struggling with a lot at some colleges, staying current in my life I have found to be more than what's crucial for wellbeing. For example, people I was thinking of last year, not thinking of this year. As well as goes for years previously unless they left a somewhat memorable impression that in times of quite will cross my mind as an intrusive thought, as well as some leave a missing memory. But I don't want anything to do with the people that cross my mind as intrusive thoughts, or anyone from any school. For me, when I say I do not want anything to do with anyone at all from last year, 2021 or from any school. That means, those were some toxic years for me and not the real. Really, I say that out of self-protection for my current life, and current state. As well, not to be drug back into old ways and having life like certain times that were the onset of depression for me. Also, any woman I had any type of relationship with did not know the real me either, like who's here and now.

Isaiah 59;1-4 Sin and confession, Lo, the hand of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. Rather, it is your crimes that separate you from your God, It is sins that make him hide his face so that he will not hear you. For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt; your lips speak falsehood, and your tongue utters deceit. No one brings suit justly, no one pleads truthfully; They trust in emptiness and tell lies; they conceive mischief and bring forth malice

Before you leave, take a little God with you!

-Psalm 95;1-2 A call to praise and obedience, Come, let us sing joyfully to the Lord; cry out to the rock of our salvation. Let us greet him with a song of praise, joyfully sing out our psalms.

-Proverbs 22;1-2 A good name is more desirable than great riches, and high esteem, than gold and silver. Rich and poor have a common bond; the Lord is the maker of them all.

-Sirach 37;16-20 Wisdom and Temperence, A word is the source of every deed, a thought, of every act. The root of all conduct is the mind four branches it shoots forth. Good and evil, death and life, their absolute mistress is the tongue. A man may be wise and benefit many, yet be of no use to himself. Though a man may be wise, if his words are rejected he will be deprived of all enjoyment.

-Hebrews 11;1-3 Faith of the ancients, Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen. Because of it the ancients were well attested. By faith we understand that the universe was ordered by the word of God, so that what is visible came into being through the invisible.

-Mark 14;1 Conspiracy against Jesus, The Passover and the Feast of Unleavened Bread were to take place in two days time. so the chief priests and the scribes were seeking a way to arrest him by treachery and put him to death

-Luke 13;18-19 The parable of the mustard seed, Then he said, " What is the kingdom of God like? to what can I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that a person took and planted in the garden. When it was fully grown, it became a large bush and the birds of the sky dwelt in its branches.

-Hail, Holy queen, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope, to thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve; to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears; turn, then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy towards us, and after this, our exile, show unto the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary! Pray for us, O holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

-Prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel; St Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

-Saint Francis, patron saint of animals, watch over my pets and keep my companion safe and healthy. Amen.

-Saint Augustine (who every Catholic has a patron saint given to them at birth he is mine) here is the Holy Spirit prayer

'Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy

'Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, maybe holy.

'Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that i love but what is holy.

'Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.

'Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. Amen

-Prayer to Saint Rita (for difficult circumstance): Glorious Saint Rita, your life was a testament to bearing burdens with patience and hope. Intercede for us in our struggles. Grant us the strength to bear our cross with courage and to experience peace in the midst of our difficulties. Guide us to remain faithful to God and to find comfort in his everlasting love. Amen.

-Prayer to Saint Jude (for the hopeless): O glorious Saint Jude, you who are the patron of those who feel their cause is hopeless. Intercede for me in my hour of need. Guide me through my trials and grant me the strength, peace, and hope to overcome this seemingly impossible situation. Help me to trust in God's love and mercy. Amen.

-Saint Elizabeth Ann Seaton (patron saint of new beginnings and trials): Saint Elizabeth, God permitted you to endure many trials in life, but through them all you persevered and deepened your trust in him. Please pray for me when I encounter difficulties. May I have the faith that you had and discover the riches that you discovered, Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton, pray for me. Jesus, I trust in you.

Spiritual prayers, that are according to Catechism.

-Anima Christi: Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from the side of Christ, wash me; Jesus, hear me; within your wounds, hide me; let me never be separated from you; from the evil one, protect me; at the hour of my death, call me; and bid me to come to you; that with your saints, I may praise you forever and ever. Amen.

-Breaking curses: In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth, by the power of his cross, his blood and his resurrection, I take authority over all curses, hexes, spells, voodoo practices, witchcraft assignments, satanic rituals, incantations and evil wishes that have been sent my way or have passed down the generational bloodline. I break their influence over my life by the power of the risen Lord Jesus Christ, and I command these curses to go back to where they came from and be replaced with a blessing. I ask forgiveness for and renounce all negative inner vows and agreements that I have made with the enemy, and I ask you Lord Jesus to release me from any bondage they may have held in me. I claim your shed blood over all aspects of my life, relationships, ministry endeavors and finances. I thank you for your enduring love, your angelic protection, and for the fullness of your abundant blessings.

-Prayer for Inner Healing: Dear Lord Jesus, please come and heal my wounded and troubled heart. I beg you to heal the torments that are causing anxiety in my life. I beg you, in a particular way, to heal the underlying source of my sinfulness. I beg you to come into my life and heal the psychological harms that struck me in my childhood and from the injuries they have caused throughout life. Lord Jesus, you know my burdens. I lay them on your Good Shepards Heart. I beseech you-by the merits of the great open wound in your heart- to heal the small wounds that are in mine. Heal my memories, so that nothing that has happened to me will cause me to remain in pain and anguish, filled with anxiety. Heal, O Lord, all those wounds have been the cause of evil that is rooted in my life. I want to forgive all those who have offended me. Look to those inner sores that make me unable to forgive. You who came to forgive the afflicted of heart, please, heal my wounded and troubled heart. Heal, O Lord Jesus, all those intimate wounds that are the root cause of my psychical illness. I offer you, my heart. Accept it, Lord, purify it and give me the sentiments of Divine Heart. Heal me, O Lord, from the pain caused by the death of my loved ones. Grant me to regain peace and joy in the knowledge that you are the resurrection and the Life. Make me an authentic witness to your resurrection, your victory over sin and death, and your loving presence among all men. Amen.

-Closing of Deliverance Prayers: Thank you, Lord Jesus, for awakening my sleeping spirit and bringing me into your light. Thank you, Lord, for transforming me by the renewing of my mind. Thank you, Lord, for pouring out your Spirit on me, and revealing your Word to me. Thank you, Lord, for giving your angels charge over me in all my ways. Thank you for my faith in you and that from my innermost being shall flow rivers of having water. Thank you for directing my mind and heart into the love of the Father and the steadfastness of all your ways. Fill me to overflowing with your life and love, my Lord and King, Jesus Christ.

Thank you for checking out my website!

Much appreciate y'all checking out my website! I am showing progressive, practical living after spinal cord injury and brain injury recovery as well as overcame many other things along the way. In no way would I be here if not for the man up top, that's God, he has saved me many times. Also, much thanks to my parents, therapist, doctors, anyone else who had anything to do with my accident recovery. Many thanks to my guardian angel, who God probably has had to replace him of his duty's because he was sick of his heavy workload with me. But many thanks to God! Many trials and error and falling on my face sometimes learning along the way but so goes life. I learned a lot more about people, lots about physical therapy, lots about the human body and lots about working out along the way, that gives me a good motivational background besides what overcame to walk 5K, walk miles, run business physically and mentally as well as do all personal aspect, even relationships and dating again, as shown. There is a full life to be lived throughout recovery, as well as after! Did I question if I would walk again, or be doing all I'm doing now at one time? Yes, completely did. Did I feel at one time God was against me? Yes, I would be lying if I said there wasn't. There were times, I literally felt like God was against me, at times leered towards thinking he didn't exist at one point but looking around and what happens in daily life. There is no way he doesn't exist in my opinion, I have faced darkness before which I cover in my book awaiting editor, things are in the process now. In darkness, I hit rock bottom, complete bottom. I will be honest (and I'm a smart guy) made some bonehead choices that sunk me lower than the bottom I was already on.

I am really grateful to anyone who's checked out my website, much appreciated and take care! God Bless

Take Care

Kyle Christiansen