Some riding shortly after my accident 8 months after, as well as roping the bones currently.

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Current updates

1) My book, is at the editor I am going back and forth with the editor working through editing process, then will move onto her publishing company. She hopes, to have my book out by the holiday, I feel blessed to of come across her an editor as well as publish who also own publishing company. She said she believes my book will be great.

2)My motivation is seeming to be heading in a great direction.

3)I'm am going to start showing workouts in some of my motivational clips at home barn gym in horse stall.

4)I am going to continue working with Pablo bringing him back into used to being handled and saddled, and ride horses again. Man hurts with all the missed time lost out on with Pablo though. He has great bloodlines Zan Par Bar and Peppy San and great gentle, loves to go quick, has go, all takes to get in position are gentle kicking and squeezing. The grey mare I rode didn't take any kicking, but Pablo was young. I roped at jackpots on Pablo. Now he's my motivational boy. Bless Jill who he came from for letting us know about Pablo. He's my baby boy. Glad she didn't call about the old goat Bobby Sue, that thing was meaner than heck and big burley meany, for sure got my butt ran over by that goat before when I was younger. I will always remember Jill for dipping pancakes.

5)Working on writing more stuff.

6)Starting with new counselor as of 11/7/25 due to last one getting promoted, she was great.

7) Talk about full circle, young cowboy I am going to ride my horse and get him legged up to ride for me again after being off for so long, happens to be son of a good guy and cowboy who my dad helped out some at times with his team roping. I am going to pay him to ride him, and to get him legged up. But talk about full circle that's heartwarming!

8)No longer in major depression, I have climbed the hole out of there, now struggling with periods of depression, along anxiety and unwanted thoughts now, as well as some ADHD. But not anything has not handled before and cannot handle, I for certain can and will handle this again.

9) Y'all probably noticed I pray to pray and Saints, I do not worship them, however. I am a Catholic, I pray for their intercession up at Heaven in my favor of the ruling God. I pray to them for them to have him take mercy and help out with things all throughout my life. I do not worship Mary however, pray to her a lot though.

10) My book is out on Amazon!

11) Thankfully; much thanks to God, my ulcer wound happens to be only a small hole now on my foot, not even bloody and flesh now really y'all it's just a hole on the top of my foot on my right foot at the base of my big toe. The rash that broke out due to blister on my calf due to my spinal cord injury and skin irritation after spinal cord injury has cleared up as well, as well as spot on my knee and bottom foot healed up to. Y'all, I am not wanting to jinx anything but starting 2026 out in good health.

Want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year and safe holiday season!

Below, are some roping videos up at the barn showing mobility, stability, balance and coordination after my spinal cord injuries, as well as brain injury's

Pictures of throughout recovery

Spinal cord injury

Well for starters, that is one scary phrase to hear. Especially when, it is on your own body they are talking about it being on. I broke my back at T8, T 10, T12 with an incomplete spinal tear at T12. I have been through a total of four back surgeries, 3 in September of 2015 and 1 of March of 2021. As far as recovery goes, shortly after my spinal cord injury I was getting out of bed with a Hoyer lift lifted out of bed, then placed in a wheelchair where I was pushed to the recovery room. This went on for some time, until I walked out of inpatient with a walker much thanks to therapist there at Ku inpatient. Especially that Gretchen from Ku inpatient, she deserves lots of the credit for kickstarting my entire accident recovery. Anywhere I get to, got to, or have done I look at her as being a huge reason it was all made possible by the groundwork, she laid under me at inpatient. As well Adam from rehab institute, now Ability KC (even though most that time I was recovering off knee surgery), but Adam laid a good foundation under me for walking as well. All my therapist did really, honestly did not have a bad one, only certain ones I really got a lot further with, or were there working with me during crucial recovery time frame recovery times, such as post operation as so forth. Spinal cord injury, as well as brain injury took the longest to recover from. My back honestly does not hurt as many would think it. It hurts, but not quite like and not all the time like some think would or does. Also, I am way more mobile than originally was after my accident, and more mobile than what thought originally would recover to. I have since walked 5 miles, 6 miles all at once without stopping, as well walked a 5K and walking a 1K this upcoming October 5th

To anyone who hears they have a spinal cord injury, it is instant fear upon hearing the news and gut-wrenching disappointment. However, do not think your life is over, for some of you depending on age you're just starting. My accident happened at 24, yes took 7 years of recovery I sluffed off for two. Yes, I was working hard but making bone head choices. This year 10 has been reconnection back to God, my mom, animals. My book will out this week, of Christmas 2025 and next year I am going to be doing some motivational videos off horseback. Do not go worst case scenario and set yourself up to be a self-fulfilling prophecy but also do not think everything is going to be rainbows and unicorns the whole way. There are some all out bloody times.

Luke 21;25-28 The coming of the Son of Man, There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on earth nations will be in dismay, perplexed by the roaring of the sea and the waves. People will die of fright in anticipation of what is coming upon the world, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. But when these signs begin to happen, stand erect and raise your heads because your redemption is at hand.

Brain injury

These are no joke, and not for the faint of heart either. I really have had, my own share of battles with my brain injuries before. My brain injuries were on my frontal and temporal lobe. As far as memory loss, and things like that my brain injuries did not affect me that way. However, aspects my brain injury has affected me in, is one being more impulsive and spur of the moment as well as lots of unwanted thoughts. I also struggled with delusions after my brain injury, and my delusions were not believing I was higher power or higher up or someone else or anything like that. My delusions were not that at all, they were thinking people were meddling with my personal life, trying to hold me down, prevent me, out to get me, hold me back, destroy my life, hurt me, hurt every aspect of my life and destroy my life making it already more miserable than already was what I was thinking people were doing. My delusions, turned me against people, made me not want anything to do with certain people at all on top of already not, took people that I didn't even have an opinion about and didn't dislike them and made me not like them even though I know that's a delusion and I can step outside of the delusion box and tell. But it's stronger than that while drug inside of the delusional box the brain injury's allotted for at times throughout my brain injury journey which has been a little longer than my spinal cord injury second brain injury recovery. There has been much chaos my brain injuries have led to, felt also disrespect was trying to be shown towards me in every way possible. There really, were numerous battles after my brain injuries, but I battled through them and overcame them. Personally, I fight some brain injury stuff constantly with thoughts or at times with blurred eyesight on bottom half at certain times of day. But, besides these, I pretty much do not battle anything else brain injury daily basis. Quite honestly no one who went out with me or anything like that did not know the real me either, especially now drinking and brain injury reversed, on top of not drinking. Also, people from certain phases of my life, I look a pitfall to fall to a tragic downfall by running with old crowds circling back to old ways that almost sunk me. I had to separate from lots of drinking; I can be around drinking and not be bothered. But, and quite honestly not many people actually know the real me. That is also why I put a personal piece, not to mention to relax anyone with a brain injury to reach out if have any questions about anything. Also, lots of people knew drunk me, or delusional me, or brain injured me, not me after healed. Also, not every thought comes out of my mind is a damaged thought off a brain injured brain that's been healed. I still make mature and wise choices, also do not need a person to do the talking for me. My brain injury number 1 that found out about my diagnosed one in my accident was late 2013 and caused all sorts of problems that were unexplainable at the time besides Kyle being off. Y'all mix this, with needing to be seen differently than was in school and current state and not for unproud phases or talk about any embarrassing times. This was for sure hard, and got harder when added alcohol to the mix, but once again I am over 1 year 1 month and 10 days sober. There were some people who I wasn't the nicest to at last college I was at only because my delusions from brain injury number one, and some of them would've been cool to of been friends with. But until my brain injury was repaired that wasn't happening with anyone. But I acted like a real horses rear end at the end of that college due to my brain injury number one. At another college I was extremely immature at because of depression, and drinking, I literally had to be over the top obnoxious at. Also, there were times throughout my accident recovery I was not the most mature that came back after my brain injury was healed and repaired, and back to being mature as was for short periods of my life previously.

Brain injuries are no joke, also they do not make a person incompetent or stupid because had one, there are many things still competent in and progressively get competent in, no need to think you cannot progress and be smart after a brain injury either. Mood swings are more common after brain injuries, I will admit I am a little moodier and have more unwanted thoughts and delusions fight, with my brain injuries than having memory problems, or problems talking or problems with motor skills.

After two traumatic brain injuries, it really causes some mental problems for a while. I will admit, I am not the easiest person to live or to even be around at times. That has gotten healed now, not only with time but ibogaine, except I still have moments where I am hard to live with when I get over the top needy with insecurities and feeling inadequate and needing reassurance. Trust me y'all at times I want to tell myself to shut up when I get that overly needy, but it gets unbearable at times. I will be the first to admit those of us with spinal cord injuries or Traumatic Brain Injuries are not the easiest to live with at times. I will be up front and straight out honest. There are some things about the other that which are a pain as well. TBI stuff however, the thoughts whenever i experience unwanted thoughts I literally sink into sadness and sink into feeling sad not only sad but fatigued.

Luke 19;45-47 The cleansing of the temple; Then Jesus entered the temple area and proceeded to drive out those who were selling things, saying to them, It is written, My house shall be a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves.

Broken pelvis, arm, ribs both sides, torn ACL, Mencius, hamstring

My broken pelvis for certain was most pain, as well as Torn ACL, Mencius and hamstring. My broken ribs healed on their own, due to all the other surgeries and major recoveries had to recover from, they did not operate on my pelvis. I did have an arm surgery with a metal plate with screws in my left forearm. My knee surgery was a six and a half long hour surgery and was one extremely painful recovery to recover from. As well, knee surgery set me back in recovering from my spinal cord injury because it was operated on a few months after my accident and after already being in physically for a while, I will be honest I have felt pain in extremes I did not know was possible or thought I could endure. I have felt pain in all areas of my body, that did not think was possible to endure. My knee was painful and took a while to recover from and that is mostly what I worked on at rehab institute, now ability KC after inpatient rehab. It really wasn't until after rehab institute stuff got to work heavily on spinal cord injury stuff again. Lots at rehab institute was laying base foundation of my walking style and pattern as did at inpatient rehab. My arm did not take any rehab on really in physical therapy I worked on gaining arm functionality back more in occupational therapy. My knee took about 6 months to recover completely from but was double weak after knee surgery on top of loss of strength after spinal cord injury. This made walking very scary and intimidating for a while at first. I will say knee surgery set me back 6 moths, and was quite painful for months after, as well as was careful walking on my knee. These were frustrating times as well as hard times to deal with. These were not altering injury's besides temporarily that were inconvenient for therapy and life all the way around. Oh, and also where my lovely bones snapped kind of flare up and really hurt whenever storms are around. Broke my left knee twice after my accident as well once coming home from a date, the other was chaining the loader on the trailer and stepped in a hole. The date one slipped on gravel stepping out of her car by patio and then had to have my knee in brace for a while. Snap back when chaining had to be off and have a brace on for a while after. I also broke my left arm once snapping back behind my back roping the dummy at the barn.

Psalm 39;2-3 The vanity of life, I said I will watch my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will set a curb on my mouth. Dumb and silent before the wicked, I refrained from any speech.

Daily Battles After Spinal Cord Injury/Traumatic Brain Injury

Well for starters, I actually had both of them and they were separate injuries. However, they both affected some of the same things internally as well externally. For one, motor skills get thrown off with both of those. Here are some ways a Spinal Cord Injury makes daily life hard: 1) Getting Dressed

2) Going to the Bathroom

3) Getting Ready for the day

4) Dealing With Pain

5) Getting Comfortable for the day.

6)Getting Squared away with work stuff comfortably and timely.

7) Transfers in and out of vehicles or anything motorized.

8)Struggling with feeling Judged at times

9)Feelings of worry about if out somewhere if will be able to handle all terrain. Now these were all things used to battle a lot more until getting to a certain point in recovery.

Common TBI problems throughout the day:

1)Unwanted thoughts

2)Racing thoughts and sticking thoughts that won't get unstuck out of one's mind.

3)Fear for the future as goes with Spinal Cord Injury as well as bladder leaks, and problems at times going to the bathroom.

4) Nerves of being judged for having TBI

5)Anything already struggle with gets made worse with TBI, ADHD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety, ended up having PTSD becuase of my brain injury.

6)Horrible anxiety to point raises fear.

7)Racing heart at times and hard time sleeping.

8)Hard time not having numerous thoughts all at once.

9)Harder time to navigate thoughts and around my mind.

10) Harder to live a quality personal life.

11) Harder to have people around.

12) Harder to think in general at times.

13)General state of confusion at times when things may seem out of place or not adding up. 14)More worry's

Now I am glad to be recovered and in a place, I am in now, living progressively and practically throughout with both of those injuries.

Lamentations 4;1-5 Miseries of the Besieged City; How tarnished is the gold, how changed the noble metal; How the sacred stones lie strewn at every street corner! Zions's precious sons, fine gold their counterpart, Now worth no more than earned jars made by the hands of a potter. Even the jackals bare their breasts and suckle their young; The daughter of my people has become as cruel as the ostrich in the desert. The tongue of the suckling cleaves to the roof of its mouth in thirst; The babes cry for food, but there is no one to give it to them. Those accustomed to dainty food perish in the streets; Those brought up in purple now cling to the ash heaps.+

Riding, Flying, and driving again in that order after my accident.

I was back on a horse, Pablo my heel horse who is like an oversized dog personality. I have bonded close with him riding and competing on him over the years, as well as my head horse Cherokee who I am close with. I was back on a horse 8 months after my accident, 6 months after discharge. I was flying again a few years after, but like I keep saying have to have another pilot in fact a flight instructor on board now to log PIC (pilot in command) flight time on. I was driving again four years after my accident; I was driving again. I was riding again early 2016, flying again late 2018, and driving again earlier 2019. I will ride again, I stopped for years after my accident because of depression and fell in a bad spot for a while mentally and let that drive me away from spending time with my horses and being around the barn. As well riding and roping the bones. It was really hard having to have my parents take me places for a while, until I started driving again. This was another feeling I cover in my book at editor now. Was I scared again to drive again? Yes, most excited but also really nervous to drive again. Flying again, was extremely excited about, riding as well and i went backwards there from the order they went in being back doing some of, until drove all the time again. The most embarrassing of not doing at the time was driving again yet, that was embarrassing.

It was a really hard pill to swallow and admit I wasn't going to be able to get medical back. That meant thousands of bucks went down the drain along with my childhood dream.

John 5;31-32 Witnesses to Jesus, If I testify on my own behalf, my testimony cannot be verified. But there is another who testifies on my behalf, and I know that the testimony he gives on my behalf is true.

I was not the real me in school nor was I mentally from 2013-2025! This year back

Man, this gets really rough y'all wasn't my real self all throughout school, did everything to do everything better from then on out and not redo old mistakes. I also, suffered brain injury number one late 2013 coming off the paint horse Jake behind the barn. The mega brain injury, came with my car accident, where I suffered a severe one on my frontal lobe, as well as temporal lobe. I feel it is nothing short of a miracle, to be in position I am now. I am on edge, because on the brink of massive success again with book on brink of being released around Christmas and I don't want anything to go wrong. Also, as I have gotten back to Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit, and ran away many of my demons that were there by my brain injury and healed, both externally and internally as well as got mentally healthy again. I fell, for falling into dark depressing stuff with depression and isolation at times. Even when I was around people were still battling those, that they would not go away. Ibogaine really helped heal that, as well as sobriety and getting my motivational career going. In times we live in now, of spiritual warfare, I want to make certain my sins are rectified and repentant on as well as right with God, and having St Michael fighting for souls and at time of passing. May, I one day still have the strength after leaving this earth to still rebuke Satan in eternal life on my way to God. Satan fights for souls all the way to God in eternal life. Also, one of my missions is being a better man, being a being man all the way around, the way I live my life and what I do in my life. I am certainly better than was through school and certainly better than I was last year as well, night and day. Also, not saying opposite stuff, straightforward saying what I mean, meaning what I say. No delusions currently, as well as no brain injury stuff. My brain injury really showed expressing emotions hard for a while. Also not getting excited about life is something wish to gain back, life doesn't need to be dull, needs fragrance, needs personality, needs sass, needs to be colorful. It like if life's a coffee shop, (I drink black coffee but using an analogy) or somethings like a gingerbread latte for life and make it have spice and excitement. Do not allow any negative to water down and dilute your drink either, keep a safeguard around the top the lid. I look at that like the brain; you have to watch what it is around and what goes in and out of it. Also watch fill capacity, and who you spill on when filled past the brim of capacity of what can handle. Do not go overflowing like a leaking hydrant everywhere you go, also I learned to allow people to rock the capacity around inside my cup making me think I am going to spill, and lose my chill, but do not watch the cup. That my words I will leave people with watch your cup.

Matthew 12;25; The Praise of the Father; At that time Jesus said reply, I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike.

My apologies

There are quite a few people after my accident to apologize to, first off I would like to apologize to anyone I offended on trauma floor shortly after my brain injury, I am sorry. I conduct myself more appropriately, secondly would like to apologize to any therapist I lost my cool on and went off the deep end on, many apologizes. I was struggling with lots of personal stuff and not helping my situation lots of times with drinking. I also apologize to my mom, for all the hurt I have caused her and my dad since my accident and with my accident. Mind you I couldn't control my accident, I know I have a brain injury, but some of that I could've controlled better than what did, I will own that. My apologies to God over the years, for so many things it is ridiculous, for my sins, for burnt up years, for wasted time, for time I took off my parents lives by having them worried in younger years and drinking years. I also apologize for anything I said angry directed at God years back, for my sinful tongue didn't have the right to utter those words about my savior and the reason I was given life, not to mention so many undeserving second chances he has granted me throughout my life. My accident was way too close to call. I am grateful to God for getting me through, for I am a sorrowful sinner, yes, I am cheerful and happy but at the end of the day a sorrowful pitiful sinner. I am grateful, for all of God's blessings, and know his blessings I am undeserving of but extremely grateful for, and to for. I am really thankful God has the patience he does, because with my patience I would've wiped my hands clean of me if I were God years ago, but he didn't and I am thankful. I didn't ever have the right to make anyone cry who cared about me, or for me. Please forgive me anyone, I gave that disgustingly arrogant looking face at when make a certain facial expression, that is what I used to do entering a place I felt inferior or inadequate and I used that front, because as soon as anyone who speak to me would nice and chipper. That was for the time, the demons weren't winning inside me. I fight a heavy spiritual battle inside between good and bad, and I naturally automatically now do the good things again, especially after ibogaine as well as not drinking and being sober. This has connected me back to my natural spirit, which is to be friendly and nice, empathetic, sympathetic. I'm sorry, for the dates that the girl planned on a nice date and I was hammered on or got hammered on or drank before the date when I wasn't driving. Dates that I was driving that went later to hanging out and I got completely hammered on, my apologies I really from the deep part of my heart apologize. I apologize to anyone that knew me certain years, for they were not my proudest. I apologize to anyone that knew me throughout my dark days, I apologize to anyone I led on in relationships that there would be relationships all while no intent on at all. Sorry to the ones also that weren't around me for me good days, all aspects. Also, to anyone that made cry, by hitting below the belt, as I often did with anyone who I used to get mad at. I am also sorry, and my apologies goes out to that one girl who drove 5 hours one way one weekends to come see me, was former United States Air Force. I was immature, a complete d bag at the time and ended up make the cry on her way home and I feel horrible about that, my brain injury was really getting to me then, along with drinking. I had no right to do that; she was great to me and treated me best out of any girl my whole life. The other one, I want to apologize for the relationship was in years back in midst of my brain injury. I acted like an idiot, a complete immature idiot the entire relationship. Her to, I had no right to mess with her emotions and brain injury stuff was heavy at that time. Man, if I could have back all those times where I acted like an entitled, spoiled rotten, really pompous ass for a while and was a bear to be around and to deal with. Also want people to see me, and picture me without a Coors Light or Michelob Ultra in my hands or mixing another Canadian mixed whiskey. I am over one year one month no alcohol and not turning back to toxicity. Both of those girls who I really feel the worse about were both through heavy drinking times of cans of those filling garbage cans. I'm also sorry for all wrong signals, I sent drinking and by making some feel unwanted that were, and when I am in my right normal state of mind like I am again, like I am now, I care lots more about care and affection, that I do getting completely hammered and throwing up all over the place, whether be bed, front patio, hotel carpet. I want those people to know I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, they didn't deserve that treatment, and I did not deserve to have them. I am sorry for my sins and all the hurt, I personally inflicted on others, and for the sinner I am. I repentant for my sins, Jesus Christ is my savior, and I am sorry for sins and way made some people feel. To answer other questions I am trying to answer that feel like some people got the wrong impression was I'm loyal in a relationship, because I looked at other girl out in public was my brain injury, mixed with alcohol, and for texting others in front of her, I was being stupid, immature ass I was being for some time. I am basically sorry, for being a bit of a mess for some years after my brain injuries. Also, I will be honest again, I'm sorry for the night I fell out of bed knocked over the garbage can and got lippy with my dad. Let me go on and tell y'all that ended with a sore on one side of my face, I knew better I shouldn't of disrespected my dad like that or anyone around that night after getting home, and that was the night before she was going to Florida to hang out with a friend, she wanted to spend quality time with me at the time when all I did was get hammered and act like an royal ass. I want them to know I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, and God had a way of paying me back with long periods of isolation and rough times at certain points since them. Also am sorry to anyone I ever hurt, and also sorry for all the time was thinking inappropriate behavior and thinking, besides at certain times stuff all the time, when could have been having good in-depth conversations also and focus on caring about who they really were and cared about especially that one, I was horrible to. I did things to run from back then, especially by drinking heavily and especially by not really getting to know people and the way I treated some especially the two really special ones for how they treated me, in times no one else was around and I was being a not good person at the time. Also, to anyone who I may have been hateful to I am sorry that was my brain injury, not making excuses but that's much better now. Also, sorry for what a horrid texter used to be, whenever I was in acupuncture in a relationship, which she happened to be secretly the only way I got through that time and worries. Whenever shed ask, I was one-word answers so freaking cold to world I was. I am a warm tender-hearted person, but for some time could have some convinced I was heartless. One told me some pretty cool stories about out of the back of the KC-135 Air Force air refuel plane, she had cool stories about military which I was interested in learning about. The other one, could have asked her lots of farming and ranching questions that she grew up on. I really wanted her back after breaking up and realizing some things after looking at my behavior but did not go after her especially since felt like she wouldn't. Not after how stupid acted that relationship. I also apologize to the girl, who I lead on about a relationship the whole time, but always found a way to dismiss her whenever I went after someone else. Also apologies to anyone who asked me to come pick them up, back in my drinking days I would drink until I past out even after my accident, but I was not driving I would pass out at the house and drive the next morning. Also sorry to anyone I drank through the date. The Air Force lady was most special, treated me best out of my whole life and really had cool stories about the military. Also, I am saying this because she deserves the truth, and my soul has had this load taken off but not out there where its out there, but I apologize and seriously do now after reading the Bible more and getting back to God, I am really sorry about using wanting kids as a deal breaker on my end because i was wanting kids. After my spinal cord injury as fellow spinal cord injury people know, chances are slim, not impossible and doesn't mean cannot but mean a lot more difficult. I really used that as an excuse to easily get out of saying I wasn't interested, mainly because I didn't feel enough for her. She was deep to and connected to her on deep intellectual level, despite my actions and behavior at the time. She did neat things like not only normal text and phone calls but she would write letters sometimes to plus she got me some neat gift along the way to. Alright, y'all haven't always been the nicest, not needing anything said there. Also, this happens to be such a girl thing to do and I am embarrassed did this, but if I used to put off a date or prolong going out like dragging my feet, either I wasn't interested and was to nice (but in the long run wasn't should've been upfront) to say no, or I was over the certain size I like to be at or be under to feel presentable. I can honestly say, I really wish would've been around Air Force woman at different time especially, because y'all I was flat dealing with Satan inside me at that time, with the things was doing. Not to mention the way looked, I felt like I literally had a hateful angry scowl on my face at sometimes, and you know Satan really took away from me to by being such a horses rear end that time, really I was miserable and unhappy and going through all kinds of hell felt like, and whenever felt like could only hurt people sometimes because could, even when my heart didn't want to as the Bible says a man's heart and tongue can be disconnected with the Lord at his heart and Satan at his tongue and eyes. I literally have fought a deep spiritual battle for years. As the bible says, pray for those inflicted with mental despair or illness. Now, I'm not mentally ill, I do have two brain injury's however that cause mood swings sometimes and cause delusions. Also, my apologies to one relationship girl because I was moody, really moody, all over the place with my moods, and brain injury stuff. A huge thanks to those who saw through my accident. Also, my apologies to anyone from school who I thought was behind stuff, literally blocking tampering and preventing me from life all aspects who might have gotten a hatful message from me or attitude. I am sorry, that was my brain injury making me thin that people from unproud phases were in my life doing things they were not doing.

Weight of sins real, all sins real the weight of sin on a heavy heart gets brutal sometimes. Trust me I had my fair share of women that treated me that way I treated others. But I am especially sorry to two of them especially who were great to me, upstanding, kind, gentle, compassionate, understanding of my accident, and some of my injuries that weren't necessarily affecting things besides mentally and having to walk places with a cane. But was not preventing anywhere was out anyplace. Plus, anymore with stairs as long as there is railing, I am good, this was 2018 and 2019, especially before pandemic and all the chaos in personal life since those years. For the sake of everything, I need everything here and now forward, also the weight of sin has me feeling horrible. A person I do feel bad about what I said about them on Facebook, who I did not have any right to, was a picture sitting to next to a nurse who I was having at Inpatient rehab back in 2015. I said things, I really did not mean. I figured she felt that way about me, even though there wasn't anything there and I knew that and dint think there was, only felt looked down and copped an attitude when felt looked down on. Trust me, people thinking people are looking down on you all the time is a real dangerous thought pattern to develop and to start thinking. That can also make life unbearably miserable. Please anyone reading this, learn from my mistakes I am sharing, I feel horrible about probably hurting her feelings. Please people do not make my mistakes, there are so many dangerous thought patterns to develop and have to fight 100 times harder after traumatic brain injuries to fight them off. Also apologizing is not sucking up, I mean the sorriest from the bottom of my heart. Trust me, some of the women I really was having things with some hurt because had the power to, but I also was hurt lots. But that leads me into my next video and how I feel like its even worse to hurt a person when your doing it straight out to be hateful no other reason. I literally have hurt the next person I came across because the last person hurt me so bad. That is toxicity, I rid that out of my system, ibogaine really has helped me with that, ibogaine helped me see clearly what I was doing and all the dangerous thought patterns I had allowed myself to fall into over the years. Ibogaine gave me the clarity needed to navigate out of that and to feel alive again, not like a stagnate gutted fish strung out to rot in the sunlight. I said that about that one nurse had at inpatient I was pictured next to on the bed only because found her attractive, really that whole deal and time I was struggling with heavy delusions and depression along with PTSD heightened and all I was doing was fueling the fire with alcohol. Sober again 1 year 2 months 10 days. For every girl I felt hurt by in the past I hurt one in current life that was way I was living for a while really until ibogaine, but I was cut off from the world for some years there, only to reaffirm a lot.

Psalm 107;1-3 God the savior of those in distress; Give thanks to the Lord who is good, whose love endures forever! Let that be the prayer of the Lord's redeemed, those redeemed from the hand of the foe. Those gathered from foreign lands, from east and west, from north and south.

My Delusions

Y'all after two Traumatic Brain Injuries, these were what I struggled with the most. They made my life miserable, I felt observed constantly, listened in on, phone tapped, extremely paranoid. Thought messages were being read, which I know they really do, do that, but not the rest. Also felt uteri motives, I felt were being used to be sinking my life in many ways. Now mind you, y'all are probably wondering why I felt that important for those people to be messing with. I did not, it was I felt my life was being set out to be destroyed in an all-out panic mode and full on being attacked by Satan believed these things to be the case time being.

My delusions were also of people tampering and preventing as well as people trying to hold me back to my accident and living being injured and not out of recovery. Y'all, these were all feelings I battled for some time, actually when I say some time, I mean years. They cost me many sleepless nights, many tears, many anger outburst, my delusions drove me mad for a while. They drove me to places I did not want to be mentally or emotionally, especially in emotionally fragile state anyway over somethings. One was the loss of my dad, the other was the basic hardships of my accident, trust me y'all there were quite a few setbacks and would of, should of after my accident as well. My delusions have literally been my largest enemy for years, have my delusions played an impact at times with my mother son relationship before rectifying everything and smoothing everything out? Why certainly yes, this has for certain at times put a heavy strain on me and my mom's relationship. I feel horrible about those times, because there was not anything I could do for struggling, I believe that is one of the hardest parts for people after a TBI. Really happens to be, really knowing that there is something off but not being able to either put finger on it and know about it and work around or be able to tell the person up front what you're dealing with that day. Really that way they will be expecting things to be a struggle at times that way and are pleasantly surprised when they are not.

Proverbs 31:26; She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

Exercises did lots of later in physical therapy!

1)Walking
2)Lateral/sideways walking
3)Backwards walking, backpedaling
4)Recumbent
5)Battle ropes
6)Elliptical
7)Side planks
8)Ball transfers
9)Push-ups
10)Med ball slams
11)Roman crunches
12)Stairs
13)Step ups
14)Dips
15)Stationary Bike

16)Front planks
17)Planter and dorsal flexion
18)Adductor and Abductor strengthening
19)Woodchoppers
20)Russian twist
21)Bench, squat, incline bench, barbell and dumbbell as well as butterflies, hammer curls, concentrated curls, leg press, let pulls, shoulder press
22)Hamstring curls
23)Leg extensions

24) Single arm rows
25)Seated rows
26)Timed walks, distance walks, form walks
27)Leg lifts on bed
28)Ab roller
29)Bicycling in motion lying flat on back on ground.
30)Sit to stands
31)Eversion and Inversion on feet
32)Pull ups
33)Hanging knee ups
34)holding ball between knees doing squats and roman crunches.
35) Heel Slides.

My mom and dad
My moms still going strong, RIP dad 11/3/58-9/17/22

Meet my mom LaRee Smith Christiansen born 6/6/65, who is still going strong and happens to be part of my motivational team. My dad was to, big Mike Christiansen born 11/3/58-9/17/22 who Rest In Peace we laid to rest due to widespread cancer late 2022. My parents both played a vital role in my accident recovery, my dads education helped pay the way for somethings that would not of had, unless he was bringing in what he was. My mom and dad have both been super supportive, of anything i cared about or care about in life. They have had my back my entire life, and also have stood by my side through thick and thin easy times and hard times.

My dad was a project manager, estimator and business development for a Steel Company. My mom had her own cleaning business; she quit and put aside whenever my accident happened to help take care of me and make certain made all appointments. After the loss of my dad, now she works at the post office, she has worked as an LPN nurse before, as a PARA in a special education classroom, as well as worked for a construction company for a while. My dad worked for IBP packing for years, as well as Dekalb, and my grandparent's business at the time. He went with the business, as they went and sold-out years back, but he went with the business. My team dad was into rodeo, so I picked up having an interest in team roping and rodeo pretty naturally from being around it so much, it was only common was going to team rope and rodeo whenever got older as I did.

Psalm 104;1-4, Praise of God the Creator; Bless the Lord, my soul! Lord, my God, you are great indeed! You are clothed with majesty and glory, robed in light as with a cloak. You spread out the heavens like a tent; you raised your palace upon the waters. You make the clouds your chariot; you travel on the wings of the wind. You make the winds your messengers; flaming fire, your ministers.

Me as a young child with my family!

Get to know me personally, from the motivation. My personal likes, my personal enjoyments. Using this as Ice Breaker.

-Favorite Colors: Purple and Orange

-Favorite Drink- Coffee, water, and unsweet tea, but primarily coffee.

-Favorite Food: Prime rib, eggs on tamales or enchiladas, salsa on eggs, multigrain club crackers dipped in coffee, stuffed bell peppers, grilled salmon with asparagus (no I do not like seafood necessarily only grilled salmon), brisket and burnt ends.

-Favorite books: The Bible, Fly girls, The Aviators, Nerves of Steel, Sully, Forgotten 500

-Favorite Movies and Shows- Landman, Tulsa King, Mayor of Kingstown and Yellowstone, FBI, Chicago PD, Chicago Fire, Sheriff Country, Fire Country, Goliath, White Collar, Prison Break.

-Favorite Music- Morgan Wallen, Parker McCollum, Jason Aldean, Pecos and the rooftops, Jelly Roll (no one is going to be able to recognize old him at this rate, and he turned his life over to God all round positive transformations happening for him all across, really excited to be a fan of his) Brandon Lake, Chevelle, Asking Alexandria, Dorthy, Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless, Lord Huron, Noah Kahan, Jason Aldean, Ella Langley, Lainey Wilson, Mudvayne, Nickelback, Hardy, Cross Canadian Ragweed, Stephen Wilson JR, Godsmack. If I was to have to listen to only one country artist for extended amount of time, Jason Aldean for country, Chevelle for rock, AC/DC for classic rock, Hozier or One Republic for pop. But I could listen to Jason Aldean for hours.

-Favorite sounds- Creaking saddle leather as ride under my jeans as they on the saddle, dogs whimpering out of excitement to be seeing me when get home

also sound of tires hitting pavement after landing or the sound of air traffic control over the headsets in airplanes, coffee coming on in the morning time or still of the night when all the deep thoughts are hitting at once and thinking of what is on the other side.

-Favorite flavor-prime rib with a sauteed mushroom piece dipped in horseradish flavor, cinnamon gum or mints with black coffee

-Favorite sports teams: Kansas State Wildcats, Kansas City Chiefs, Texas A@M Aggies, Oklahoma State Cowboys, TCU Horned Frogs, and Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Also Thunderbirds and Blue Angels,

Favorite Athletes: Patrick Mahommes, Travis Kelce, Mike Gouhlian aerobatic pilot, Trevor Brazile cowboy world champion, Walt Woodard world champion, Nick Sartain team roper.

-Also it is clear that those around me know I follow Mace Curran the fighter pilot, that is because I find her amazing and really inspiring, that is all yes she is really pretty but was not thinking anything about that. However, in my motivational career that is starting out would be neat to potentially meet someone like that of that caliber (after my accident only person was around briefly of caliber of such was Amberley Snyder but that was not when I was doing my motivation. That was still early on in recovery at rodeo banquet). I follow many of military service men and women on social media, for one without them I would not be free but for major reason they interest me and what they talk about and their experience that is all. I was not trying to put off like I was military at all, many of them have done ibogaine but I was not trying to put off I was there after any service combat because I was not armed forces military. Also, I was not trying to put off like I knew even a fraction or minute amount about flying compared to someone like that. I for certain was not trying to put off, and do not want anyone thinking I was trying to put off as someone of her caliber. I will say she is my influence and inspiration on top of my mom and dad and some others for my motivational speaking and motivational content as well as writing.

- As probably noticed, I do have a chew of Copenhagen in my top lip most constantly as probably seen on my videos. I quit vaping nicotine, quit drinking, quit stimulant medication. But dip I will keep to help with nerves and relaxation.

-Biggest fear: Going to Hell and not living life to full potential, as well as snakes deathly and I mean deathly afraid of snakes. I will be honest I am scared to not be seen as under a certain size

-Do not fit in any groups of people either or any types of people. Also wasn't attempting to be like anyone else with my changes they were made to get back to the normal natural me and to have things better in my personal life.

-With my biggest fears listed, really they happen to be anything or anyone I feel like is holding me back to draining phases and phases full of self hate. In my book, I talk openly what its like to find self-love again. I shouldn't of been overweight at certain times through certain phases but should get labeled that when drop under certain size as well as should not pay for that forever or think about those times because all that does is breed anger. Trust me people, I weigh daily sometimes multiple times when home. I literally cannot stand to look at picture of myself larger phases because it sickens me.

Also, for my family I need to weigh less because I am only 6'0 tall in boots the rest of them are all 6'2-6'4 my dad was 6'1, his dad 6'2, my mom 5'2, my cousins on my moms side 6'3 both of them, as well as my uncle who's 6'4, other uncles 6'2. I will be honest, some people have referred to me as tall and I laughed at first because felt always drew short end of stick genetically on height from my family members. My grandpa on my moms side was around 6'1 and my grandma, no one quote me on this but believe was around 5'8 and she only weighed 102 the day she had my mom, she walked around most the time at 94 pounds, my cousins on my moms side one 230 other 190, my uncles are 220 and 240, I am 188 now after dropping some more again. I am cutting back to around 165-180. My grandpa on my moms side was 190 and mine on my dads side was around 180 until his later years. My dad at one time, people lots knew him as larger but at one time was big into working out and ran and weighed around 195 for quite a while when he lived in Washington State.

-I will be honest, the reason I say certain size so much and appearance is because those are my two biggest insecurity's to be honest with y'all, and any comment ever had because was overweight carried more hurt on the hurt level than many others have heard on and off throughout the years growing up kids being kids, all normal and that prepped me for the man I am now with the discipline I have now. For anyone who years back said anything about my weight, in no way am I mad at you now. You merely prepped me for life, and life I care about one under a certain size where I care about making good choices. For that, I want to thank you.

-Y'all I do find some musicians really inspiring as well, but things usually have gone awkward when said. But I am inspired by them for what they have overcome and what they fight through to be who they are at success level they are. They are Corey Taylor, Jelly Roll, Sully Erna, Lizzy Hale. Not going to tip toe saying for years Corey Taylor was a huge inspiration for what he overcame with depression, to fight that to be as wildly successful as happens to be. Another one is Jelly Roll, I like how he turned his life over to Christ and he dropped 200 pounds and still dropping, as well as overcoming his jail life. The reason I find Lizzy Hale inspiring, happens to be imposter syndrome she fights. I fought this on a very different level in a very different aspect after loosing lots of weight, this took years of being under a certain size and that becoming my new normal before I stopped feeling like I was pretending to be someone else, when I didn't loose weight to be like anyone else. I just wanted to look better and saw pictures of when I was smaller and looked lots better at lighter sizes than those huge picture sizes in some of my team roping pictures. But why I find her inspiring, is she runs a successful rock group in front of millions and doesn't care about that and overcomes that with inner strength and that is what I find inspiring is her inner strength. Now those are all people I do not know, they do not know me and I would not expect them to at all. But I am saying, I find them inspiring.

-Another lady I find really inspiring and another guy I find really inspiring are Mike and Danielle the physical therapist worked with. I find Mike inspiring, because over at the gym there were some girls who were around my age who looked good but he wouldn't even say they looked or look at them when a lady (this lady was struggling with dementia but kept asking him) asked him over and over to look and he wouldn't he kept saying he was married. Also, how Mike was also positive and happy. That Danielle inspired me, quite frankly because she flat out did things I cannot do after a traumatic brain injury, and that was she went through and got here doctorates degree in physical therapy. Y'all probably saw my homepage, yes, I was at lots of colleges and schools in general to only get an associates. Much of that was drunken immaturity and quite honestly head up ass mind in Arkansas type of deals not using good judgement at all. K-State, I was out of control, that was straight embarrassing. Also, she dealt with some others who struggled with anger like I did and had to put up with them and hold her tongue to keep her job, that had to be hard. Now I could and can hold my tongue to hold jobs and stuff like that, but it would be hard not to fire back with something that wouldn't have been anything rule breaking, but she didn't. She had to think during the short time working with me, I was a blubbering idiot, but I was straight struggling with brain injury stuff at the time and personal stuff added on and all was like a mental explosion in my mind walking around those times. I will say y'all, after Danielle I did start asking my therapist even more questions about the exercises and stuff like that because she really sparked my interest in what they were doing in my recovery. In no way was I easy at times to deal with, I will admit.

-Also, a huge thanks to one psychiatrist had for a while, I was also a blubbering idiot that entire time as well. No, that phase certainly is not the real me, I am certainly not that freaking obnoxious. I literally was hard to be treated for anything at that time, mind was in la la land.

-I will say, listening to music Godsmack tends to make the most sense with what they talk about in their songs for me. Especially feeling torn between good and bad, or good or not as good choice. Jelly Roll music is really inspiring that way to. I will say going through an extremely dark and lonely time in my life Rumor of skin song by Stone Sour was almost played every day or Stalemate by them talking about personal dissatisfaction, and I will be honest their absolute zero song is pretty good sense it is such a hard feeling between good and bad and the weight of sin. That one is a really relatable but song I also do not want to be relatable at all though. No, do not want to be like any of these people, only find them inspiring. I find these people inspiring at that level, really because that crushed all I previously thought growing up about those people. I grew up thinking they didn't have problems, and once they hit things at that level all the personal struggles stopped and fear went away.

-A huge push for me personally to look into writing and first believers one of my first believers, even when I was writing BS and stuff meant for humor but was pure garbage but he saw something in my writing was professor Gulley. Jeremy always saw something in my writing and made class like outside of school setting. Many thanks to him seeing something in my writing when there really wasn't anything to see, and he really was a bit of a piece of one the people that made me believe in myself, honestly really. However, for his classes I was in la la land out of it mentally, I was struggling with brain injury stuff.

Some about my struggles!

Daily struggles after spinal cord injury, as well as traumatic brain injury.

1) Daily getting dressed

2) Daily bathroom stuff and bathing

3) Taking care of one self in ways of laundry and etc...

4) Daily chores

5) Simple things as small as making coffee and unloading the dishwasher because the strain extra takes after those injuries.

6) Misbeaving, having a nasty attitude, being negative and looking for reasons to be sad and not happy.

7) Staying positive and optimistic.

People that have stood by me and my mom and dad's side, especially me and my mom after my dad passed when things were so dark for a while.

Brian and LeAnn

Mike and Terri

Brad and Vicki

Joe and Ashley

John and Jill

Matt and Tracey

Mike and Janice

My uncle Chris and aunt Janet

My dad's uncle Bill and Aunt Diane

Bill and Charlene

I am sorry if I am leaving anyone out.

Obviously, my parents happen to be the biggest reason I am here now in recovery as well as now able to get my career started, but there has been some others help along the way.

May the year of 2026 be one of Gratitude towards all who have helped, but mainly to God. May 2026 be a gratitude year towards God.

Here is the daily verse from the book of gratitude of 2026; I am going on and posting for January 1st that way do not get sidetracked and forget.

-This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.; Psalm 118:24

Thank you for checking out my website!

Thank y'all for checking out my website. I really hope y'all found it beneficial to spinal cord injury recovery and traumatic brain recovery and living life throughout and after. Along with the other injuries I recovered from, as well as overcoming my addiction to alcohol which has been my tragic downfall to many times in life to let it be again. I also, fought heavy depression as well as anxiety and the loss of my dad and two grandparents throughout all of this. Yes, obviously my dad's loss was the hard hit but one grandparent after she passed there went family get together and family holidays. I lost a lot yes, my flying and my future aviation career and bumping up from private pilot to commercial after I logged enough hours. I was working on instrument rating at the time of accident with two sign offs all but my instrument rating in logbook and the required instrument flight time. I did have logged localized approaches and logged departures and approaches as well as holding patterns, worked teardrop, direct, and parallels. But my experience was in private pilot single engine land getting flight time logged and built. As far as team roping and rodeo, yes, I lost that I was doing at a successful level roping both ends. I was about to break over in both, obviously my accident was a huge sidetrack on my life to where I plant my cross at the end of my journey through life to be lifted into afterlife into judgement day, then purgatory, then Heaven. I do have such a bright future with the motivation, with the book, with the speeches as well as content. I really hope y'all find my content beneficial, y'all are probably like that Kyle reads quite a bit in a year. That was a heavy reading year, I normally don't read like that, depends on my mood. Y'all, I could feel sorry for myself and be frowning all the time and be hostile. Or I can be happy and wake up as I do happy every morning to have another blessed day on earth. Another day that now, my cross to carry to my finish line in life is now a lot bigger and heavier and causes quite the more stumbles alongst the way. But needless to say, giving up is not in my vocabulary and will not consider giving up, nor should I. Also, God did not give up on me when I was a lost cause hopeless and helpless and weak, God lifted me up and gave me strength. God lifted me, when I was at the bottom of the barrel and useless really, wasting away I was and God lifted me and saved me and saved my life really. The true 180 that God helped me do with my life, that was only achievable through God and through God's strength, for I am weak and do not have that kind of power he has he worked in my life and worked with me. God lifted me, gave me strength he gave me internal strength I did not know I had or could handle. God has taught me lots of things about myself, God keeps teaching me things about myself constantly. I am God's ongoing project, I find it so odd we as humans are so quick to give up on God or throw the towel in when things get tough or things do not go our way honestly, only being brutally honest or things don't turn out as planned. Many times, we turn o God but why? He stays with us through all our hardships and when we are in hardships so is Jesus and God, they do not give up on us humans, why do we give up on them. Also why are we so quick to believe, for those who do not believe in God to believe a loved one's past spirits around them at times. Well, stop and think who do you think created that spirit, where do you think that came from. What do you think is on the other side, and why so many times are our hearts and mouths disconnected. Thank y'all take care, God bless.

I greatly from the bottom of my heart appreciate you people checking out my website, much appreciated. Take care, God bless and I kind of fear the big man up top.